Myke Michaels – Phony Vietnam Vet, Phony SEAL

| December 2, 2019 | 129 Comments

The folks at MilitaryPhony send us their work on Myke Ivan Michaels.  Michaels is 65 years old as of December 2019 and lives in Studio City, California. On occasion, he is listed as ‘Maysen Michaels’ in addition to Myke Michaels.

Michaels works in the film industry as a Hollywood make-up artist, having worked on popular television shows and films such as S.W.A.T., Taken 2 and Taken 3 (Liam Neeson), Valkyrie (Tom Cruise) , Seven Pounds (Will Smith), Purple Heart (William Sadler), JAG, Rush Hour (Jackie Chan), and The Big Lebowski (Jeff Bridges).   There have been newspaper articles that refer to Michaels as a “field medic” but this could be a reference to a Hollywood set medic vs. implying anything with the military.

However, the above articles could possibly refer to his time before his Hollywood career. The Facebook claims that Michaels makes leave little room for doubt – he claims to be a Vietnam veteran as wells as going to Basic Underwater Demolition which is a pre-requisit prior to serving on a SEAL team.

MilitaryPhony contacted the UDT/SEAL archives and checked the UDT/SEAL database but found that there is NO record of “Myke Ivan Michaels” or any other variation of his name ever completing BUD/S Training or assigned to any SEAL teams. Michaels’ military records were ordered through a Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) request and the NPRC said they could find no military records for him.

If the claims by Myke Michaels were used to leverage work, military or civilian promotions, or anything else of value, he may be in violation of Stolen Valor laws. State laws may also apply.

FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/myke.michaels.9

IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0584448/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1

PROFESSIONAL: http://www.wolfpackfilmworks.com/

Category: Fake SEAL, Navy Poser, Phony SEAL, Viet Nam, Vietnam

Comments (129)

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  1. ninja says:

    Dave:

    “www.militaryphony.com” is down (Military Phony Website).

    Cannot access.

    Has Error Code 404.

  2. OldManchu says:

    Skunk stripe chin beard via hair color. What a douchebag!

  3. Gee, Seal, Vietnam Vet, Harley, forgot his dog, his patches on vest, and all his medals he won, looks like a usual Hollywood hero and there are so many.

  4. Hack Stone says:

    Apparently mastering grammar and spelling is not a prerequisite for becoming a “Navy SEAL”. Seriously, if you are going to post a comment regarding the passing of someone (is that what that screen capture was?), at least review it first. If not, after seeing it online, go back and correct it. With his ability to put words on paper, he is more than qualified to be the Vice President of a proud but humble woman owned business that sells software to the federal government.

  5. OWB says:

    Such a deal. A guy pretending to be something he’s not when he makes a living helping folks who make a living pretending to be something they are not pretend to be what they are not. Confusing, huh? Welcome to Hollywood!

  6. Ex-PH2 says:

    Mikey, Mikey, MIkey… If it weren’t so obvious, it wouldn’t be so pathetic.

    Okay, MIKEY – the last SEAL platoon LEFT Vietnam in 1971. The last SEAL advisers left in March 1973. So, Mikey, just WHERE were you and what were you doing?

    The troops had already left in 1973, so just WHERE were you and WHAT were you doing? Were you warming bar stool in Tommy’s Bar on TuDo Street?

    My guess is that Mikey was busy protesting the draft all that time, not participating in anything other than finding as many hippie chicks as he could and smoking dope at the drive-ins.

    I will, in fact, venture a guess that Mikey was a draft dodger starting with the day he got his draft notice. That would be some time between 1971 and 1973.

  7. 5th/77th FA says:

    Okey dokey Myke Ivan Michaels aka Maysen Michael soon to be well known as the lying, embellishing piece of sh^t, low life scum, that you always have been. Told you last night on MP that your Google Fame would exceed your Hollywood fame as soon as the word hit the Troops of TAH. Did you use your Hollywood connections to disconnect MP, albeit temporarily? No matter, soon the entire world will have access to your sh^tbaggery. May you burn in hell as the True Warriors piss gasoline on you from Valhalla and Satan devours your worthless soul.

    May I be the FIRST to call for the Hemisphere of Insults on the fake Vietnam SEAL Myke Ivan Michaels? Can I get a SECOND and an AYE?

    • The Stranger says:

      Just because of the Hollywood connection I hereby say…SEGUNDO!

    • 11B-Mailclerk says:

      AYE!

      “Continue the operation. You may fire when ready.”

      “Commence primary ignition!”

      (Ominous hummmmmmmmmmmm)

    • Tim says:

      Aye! And I Second it or Third it, or wherever it is by now.

      I went to a cousin’s funeral the other day. He wasn’t military, a well known “make up” artist or a bike rider or anything. Not a Ranger, a SEAL or any other special forces kind of guy. Heck, he wasn’t even a braggart. But unlike this POS with a bottle of jet black hair, my cousin was a good man. He will always be remembered affectionately as a generous God fearing good husband and father who appreciated all of you military guys and gals. This Myke Ivan Michaels POS will now always be remembered as an A-hole, a liar, and a thief and one who needed to invent his legacy rather than be remembered for the one he built.

    • ChipNASA says:

      OK All, it looks like we have met the TAH and Roberts Rules for Ordinance LAUNCH!!

      Anda One anda Two anda THREE, and Mikey “Manlove” “Moocher of other people’s valor” Monkeydick” is about to become GOOGLE FAMOUS!!

      I can’t wait to see the IMDB on this after everyone finds out about yourFAKE military career.

      EAT IT SHITBAG!!!! Enjoy the recognition. Maybe they’ll give you an Oscar for your performance…

      The Hemisphere of Insults®™
      (aka, “This Ain’t Hell” Thesaurus)
      FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!!
      TACTICAL NUCLEAR ROUND OUT!!!!
      THREE PASS AIRCRAFT BOMB RUN!!!!!
      DANGER CLOSE!!!!
      MOPP LEVEL 4!!!
      TAKE COVER!!!!!
      … Myke (“Myle” more like DYKE) Ivan (I von’t) Michaels (Like George Michael) …HEY DICKLESS WONDER, We all hope you read this and come back here and try to defend your actions, but, you won’t because, YOU’RE A STRAIGHT UP COWARD, vile, flaming piece of skunk shit, ALLEGEDLY, but not confirmed or proven, but in some people’s opinion, works balls, tickles taint and tongue punches hobo’s crusty fart boxes all, I Guess, while being a syphilitic, turd-sucking feces factory, HOLY Baby Ape Shit Breath, Bitch-ass Fuckstick guzzler, pile infested, onion-eyed flapmouthed butt-bailiff, “Fowl” mouthed Chicken Fucking Chickenfucker, You flaccid piece of tofu, Simply a fart in life waiting to be fabreezed away, moral equivalent of pond scum, THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS A WALKING TURD, inflamed, “Towel boy” in a gay bath house, DILLY DILLY!!, Ambulatory verbal dissembling anus, Fucking one cell spermatozoon with a tiny flagella, gaping giant ass walking fungus shit nugget, Bag of seasoned dog shit, Cambodian cunt sauce, he deserves to have his private parts gnawed by angry badgers, Anyone who ever loved you was wrong, bucket of ass chum, Poopy Headed ball working asshole, JERK OFF !!, Soup Sandwich, if you Mom would have known you were going to turn out like this, she’d have prayed for a miscarriage, Diaper-Sniper, you’re such a pussy, when you get a haircut they charge you for a bikini wax, suck a big diseased gorilla dick and open those ass cheeks for the bull elephant that has been eyeing your lying ass, Poster-child for post birth abortion, Testicle face, This twat waffle is dumber than a bucket of goat piss, I pray thou shalt be pursued into the mountains by sex-mad baboons, O thou creature of the pit!, If you are married, The only thing your wife wants for Christmas is a folded flag, Dick Swallowing Jerk Wad Spooge Sampling cum gobbling parasitic infection bunghole tonguer, Klootviool, Dude–even your balls are made of pussy, should be ass raped and tea-bagged, at the same time, by a Rabid Rhinoceros, you were the kid that had to sit alone at lunchtime, you’re the afterbirth that slithered out from your mother’s filth, you have always been picked last, you are a puck shot, catcher’s mitt double dribble field goal miss, you are the trash bag after a barracks/frat house party, the Stanley Cup could be your Mom’s dildo, I wish you were an EOD training power point presentation. Not the cool, highly trained bad ass EOD guys, the recipient, He’s more fucked up than a spotted Zebra, shirt-lifter, This guy stepped on his dick so hard it made mine hurt, when your Mom was pregnant with you, the dry cleaner used to charge her double for extra coat hangers. She had bad aim, If this wasn’t so sad, it would be as funny as watching a monkey try to fuck a football, I’m surprised he didn’t award himself a Purple Heart for stepping on his dick., Anus tonguing shit slurping fuckwitted hemorrhoid munching dick lips wanktoaster, pud-knuckling pus-nuts, farting dive bubble cock gobbling Pigfucker, lientery steatorrhea, sperm burping dickchops, Sloshing bucket of Hippo Diarrhea, short strand DNA ‘tard, a bathroom selfie loser, fake “death stare” makes you look like a semen sucking cum vampire on his way to a flying J truck stop hobo ball sac buffet, Cuntosaurus Rex, Bulbous Bleeding Batrachivorous Butthole Burrito, enjoys being attacked by and being sunk by meat torpedoes, Pudwhack,
      if this guy even *had* a woman, or any balls, he’d keep them in her purse anyway, failed fido fluffer in doggo pron, even using an entire jar of top quality, organic, gourmet, peanut butterIf you started fucking off today and kept fucking off until the sun burns out you still wouldn’t fuck off far enough to fuck off, Fuck you Fucksicle, You’re so fucked up that his imaginary friend took a Restraining Order out against him, This pissant is such a genius of monumental proportions he can skullfuck his own asshole, You man meat munching, spunk bubble blowing butt sponge, You are a disease, worse than a crotch tick, you puerile, one-handed, slack-jawed, drooling, meatslapper, Boy, you couldn’t lead a fresh turd down the bowl, Thinks that he is in the “dark” secret ops, not realizing that he has his head up his ass, You were born stupid and had a prolapse, In need of an appointment with a brass-knuckles Amateur Dentist, exposure to diseased posers is also known as “the Result of Cyclospora” with * “Symptoms of cyclospora include diarrhea and frequent, sometimes explosive bowel movements, according to the CDC.” I say, I say, That boy’s about as sharp as a sack o’ wet mice, Dear fucking 8 pound 6 ounce baby Jesus on a cement tricycle, banjo eyed, insignificant and inconsequentially ignorant imbecilic idiot, single strand DNA refugee from a blow job, not worthy to lick taint lint off my cats backside, Unable to prevail against his one brained celled activity taking him over, so he types, talks, acts as if a retarded ghost possessed him. dickwad that can’t make a good seal on Tupperware, Buttcrackiula, tit, Oh, fuck you sideways with a roll of horse liniment coated concertina wire…you sorry, miserable, posing, shit eating goat fucker, You look like the product of an orgy at a family reunion, got-damn cum drop, You’re funnier than a sock full of frogs and tougher than a jar of marshmallow crème, Sharmouta, hey douche bag, I bet your ass is jealous of the shit that comes out of your mouth, sniveling, codpiece licking toilet seat sniffer, as worthless as a Toyota airbag, lying bucket of Chihuahua shit, taintpimple, Pillow bitin pickle smoocher, meat-gazing walrus fart hamster queef that should have stayed a tittyfuck cumstain in the back seat of an AMC Pacer, Bowl of ass soup, Festering fuckwart on a sewer rat’s ass, I heard you volunteered to go to the Middle East to take on terrorists…dressed as a goat, I believe you to be one of the few, proud pieces of shit that flies won’t fuck on, You’re not the dumbest person on the planet, but you sure better hope he doesn’t die, needle dick bug fucker, wad of fungus on a pile of roach turd, Drongo, Satan even said about you, “Boy is this guy a DICK!, Sparklepony, Toilet weasel, pigshit fungus, grubby little dick-beater, You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john, Connoisseur ,worthless, Vice Admiral of the Narrow Seas, Blows winos behind bus stops for a nickel and gives change, jejeongsin-iya?, whore-hopping fecal wart, Soppspiste Pitbulkukkforhud, stench-ridden, Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; you only gargled, shiftless, monkey-buggerer, petrified shit biscuit, More worthless than rubber lips on a woodpecker or tits on a boar hog, ignoble itching buttcrack, You’re the reason God created Irritable Bowel Syndrome, moldy bowl of ratshit, would wear Richard Simmons’ used jockstrap as a facemask, lickspittle, useless bag of monkey fuck, dickbutt, rectum circling colon goblin, Asshole casserole, Vafanculo, Nut hugger, People like you are the reason God doesn’t talk to us anymore, salad tosser, gonorrheatic urethral cliff diver, smeerlap, fud, rancid floor buffer wax spreader, both of your Grandmothers should have had an abortion, just in case, I’ve seen bigger wieners on a cocktail plate!, You look like something I’d draw with my left hand, Mayor Grundle Butter of Scrotumburg and Anusville, waste of oxygen, Grandstanding cunt, prickwrinkler, Holy cupcake munching monkeys, clitwart, cuntscab, Fuck you, you nutless chickenfuck cocksucking rat-bastard piece of roach shit! Eat a whole fucking ConEx full of dicks!, anal sphincter canyon yodeling phallic squeezer, numbnuts, malodorous odiferous felonious fido fucker, snowball, Coprophagous fop, Gonorrhea breath, swizzle tits, giggling beerflecked canker blossom,

      • ChipNASA says:

        how did you survive infancy, rectal rapee, Dude looks like he smells like hot dog water, GonnoSyphaHerpaClapAIDS Patient Zero monkey buggerer, ball-tickling & ball gargling bullshiat artist, R2-Dildo, You suck dick for beer money and you don’t even drink beer, secret squirrel masturbation specialist, hand in your badge, Adolf, you fart repeatedly just to make yourself smell better, spunk-trumpet, Bakrauf, face down ass up weak kneed pillow biter, maybe this hero could strap a suicide vest to himself, go out in the open desert and make people confetti out of himself, Wait, of all the lucky sperms that came outta your daddy, you’re the one that WON??, He’s so much of a dickhead he takes Viagra thru a nasal spray, and he’s still limp, How I the fuck do assholes like this sleep at night? With one hand on their tiny dick and the other thumb in their ass, Holy shit, maybe a “buggerer of little boys”, rottencrotched, rump wrangling, colostomy bag curator, A butter knife amongst razor blades, Rusty Trombone Virtuoso, he is the kinda guy who likes meeting up with two strange men so they can sword fight in his mouth, he’s the kind of guy you’d find hanging out around highway rest areas because he’s frequenting the public bathrooms trying to gargle marbles for change, culo de chongo, booger eating fuckbucket, Lemon Party-lusting, Pissflap, fucknuckles, is about as real as a Civil War Issue polyester blanket, Menstrual quimsquirt, you’re as useful as Anne Frank’s Drum Set, overzealous polyp burglar, poser quim squirt, bed wetting, follows in Victorious Felder’s bovine excrement -filled boots, I wanna get a running start and drop kick him right in the ‘ol yogurt gun, Fustilarian, Knobgobble, prancing pony penis puffer, Likes to turn his mouth into a day care center with guys baby gravy behind the local truck stop, I hope his rectum is popped so hard, he will achieve liftoff on Mr. Tiny’s launch pad, less popular than a Cheese and Veggie Omelet MRE, You are so full of shit, your ears stink, I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral, butt-pirate, as popular as an SBD fart in church on a packed house Sunday, you should get dorked in the squeakhole with the Barbed Cock of Satan, toadstool slime-inhaling dick-drizzling sludge, putrid barrel of fermenting manatee prostatic fluid, prodigious jenkem huffer, You’re a dirty coffee mug on a Monday morning filled to the brim with steaming frothy panther piss, Asparagus-dick, as fucked up as an opossum eating shit out of a hairbrush, Champion Jailhouse Baloney Pony Rider, You’re dumber than snake mittens, Wooden dildo, assplow, Piss Whistle, moron, Poodle Raper, cunt fart, Prevaricating orally diarrhetic sphincter mouth, lintlicker, Wino sphincter/ballsack coinesseur, Cock Bagel and Dick Doughnut, Stronzo, Pie-Faced Crotch Pheasant, Road apple, Mule muffins, Buffalo bagels, Beaver biscuits, pony pucks & Pigeon pellets (Shout out to M*A*S*H Col. Potter) (Not Colonel Potter but if he’d have thought about it, he’d have said it. ) one giant pile of Moose marbles, Straight Up Stupid Motherfucker, manpleaser, this buttmunch needs to eat out the rotten asshole of a road-killed skunk, baby unit, one eyed snake charmer, People like this make me wanna hatefuck a dumpster, on fire and then give sloppy seconds to a menstruating porcupine , Shit-Slot Cosmonaut, Proper Daft Cunt, you thought you had a hair on your dick until it peed, zombies would take one look at you and walk the other direction, Do you know who has more friends and is more popular than you? The Shit Pool at Kandahar Airfield Afghanistan, he has less brains than a bony eared assfish if he thought he would continue to get away with his bullshit, Fair suck of the sav, is so unimaginably and extraordinarily vapid and mindlessly stupid that he could get lost in an elevator, Meretricious, you’ll never be the man your mother is, Odious Twonk, he is just a rock with lips rocking the dick head look, likes to suck the turds out of rabid dogs bungholes, He looks like the kind of guy that really needs to take a bath…with a toaster. baby cave, analconda, Grade A chode yodeler, tittilating scrotalator pole smoker, Vaginal Sand Fairy, Drollenpijper, wide open mouth pivot man in a circle jerk, feral abacus, leg humper, You look like you were conceived through anal, meadow muffin, ax wound drippings, you’re such a loser, when you spank your little wee-wee, your hand falls asleep, horse squeeze Ball Cheese, you were born after your Dad cream-pied her asshole then finger fucked her vagina, your “heroic “ career is less believable than UFOs, Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster, you are the poster child for ED, when I want to terrorize my children, I tell YOU are under their bed, when I saw this sperm receptacle, soggy biscuit eater, my eyes rolled so hard I saw my own brain stem, I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid, Stupid, so stupid it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid, you emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid, nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know, Schlumpadinka, wazzock, Tampon Tunnel, used toilet paper-sniffing Turbo knob vacuum of a meat gazer, terminal crotch infection, asshat, roach turd-munching shit-for-brains, a black hole would spit you out, the founding fathers said all men are created equal….except for you, you make scientists contemplate the possibility that there’s a negative IQ number, if you an 2 other guys ran a race together, you’d come in fourth, dick pickle, gòrach pìos de cac, It looks like he smeared super glue on his lip and chin and went down on Whoopi Goldberg’s cootchie, You make PTSD/TBI look like a state fair, a 3 ring circus and Disneyland all rolled into one, likes to gargle with a mouthful of unborn crib midgets, He can shit and fall in it as far as I am concerned(This one is for the Ladies and Medical Staff) this prancing fairy is about as popular as a failed Episiotomy with a 4th degree perineal tear, wanker, herpes-ridden dung beetle target, feejackapeesack, first volunteer for being part of a jailhouse human centipede, bunghole warrior, cockwomble, bread loaf end slice, should eat a nice steaming pile of monkey shit you ass clown, looks like hammered dog shit, Your mother may have told you that you could be anything you wanted, but a douchebag wasn’t what she meant, If Mr. Rogers were alive, he’d piss on your grave, helmet wearing short bus riding window licker, Head paddler in the douche canoe, Uncle Fucker, more ate up than a chocolate dildo in a crowded gay bar, shitbag, dipstickus giganticus, Humpty Dumpty cleanup man after the fleet visits Naples, Herp-Burger, poofter, intergalactic cunt muffin, knob gobbling, fimicolous galactic Jackoff, Deputy executive assistant jizz mopper in training, chronic hemorrhoid, stugatz, inbred, toe-jam from an infected Filipino hooker that specializes in foot jobs, tortured turnip turd, Sea Donkey, festering pool of anal leakage, your penis lives in eternal darkness, I’d hate to see your toilet, retardus maximus, Microcephalic Toad Licker, can go suck a fat baby’s dick, steaming rat-felching bucket of moldy monkey fuck, Bellicose ball gnashing raper of babies with rabies, Pecker-puffing pickle licker, catcher not pitcher, bawbag, about as useful as a white crayon, Arschloch, impotent koekeloeren, slaptard, couldn’t even be trained in my AFSC in the USAF to suck farts out of C-5 seat cushions, mumpsimus, reverse dirty sanchez lover, scunner, kutomba wewe, Cryptosporidium-ridden tire tosser, fudgepacker, turbo douche & enema nozzle, mental midget, likes to molest small farm animals, dead and alive, is a hemorrhoid, 100 retarded monkeys could jerk off in a stagnant swamp and generate a better life form than you, You are about as useful as a knitted condom, if I had the taste of you in my mouth, I’d lick the taint of a dead rotting water buffalo in the Vietnamese jungle just to get the taste out, just to fix your shit, you could make a Jew deny the Holocaust, consuming connoisseur of the chocolate starfish, Cocksucking Catfish, anal & vaginal prolapse, giant anal Q-Tip,

        • ChipNASA says:

          this freak fancies himself performing fellatio on a variety of pinnapeds, He went all vaginal. You *never* go all vaginal, fucked himself faster than a horny chihuahua by lying about his Military Service, you are the reason Jesus can’t play peek-a-boo, he has holes in his hands, you are a 0 EPR/OPR, you are worse than a Dishonorable Discharge….from your Mom’s vagina, Massive, back alley, bucket of schlong fuck juice, cockalorum cum-guzzling gutter slut, Dalton Coldiron’s bunny-butt buddy atomic sphincter goblin, If you stuck your brain up a gnat’s ass, it would look like a BB in a boxcar, Jackanape, Fuck Tart, Sitzpinkler, lispian, pussytits, Milksop, you’re such an embarrassment to your family and your father is so ashamed of you, he’d refuse a free blowjob out of fear of further spilling his seed, Forrest Gump points and laughs at you, you suck so bad, AIDS and Cancer have nightmares about you, your shit is about as funny as Anne Frank, Helen Keller and Terri Schiavo having an orgy in the showers at Auschwitz, you suck so bad, puppies, kittens and babies hate you, you are so loathsome, looks like the kind of guy who lets his wife gets her shit pushed in by Mr. Ouch while he watches, Gandhi would ass rape you for giggles, you are about as welcome as a yeast infection, hemorrhoids, gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, genital wards and herpes, you’re one of the reasons Trump is President, you make God want a do-over, You vacuous, toffee-nosed malodorous pervert, pillock, puss soaked jackwagon, waste of trace elements and water, Jizztissue, knob breath dick biscuit, Pettifogger, Bunghole Baby,Rear Admiral of the Butt Piracy, donkey raping shit-eater, twatface, pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo it, may he lay a lip lock on the snotty end of a moose cock,butt munch, deep sea crotch lobster, man of the night in a large animal bordello, I bet you’re the kind of guy that would fuck your own mother in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give her a reach-around (Thanks R. Lee Ermey, R.I.P), NOT a SEAL, Not a BUDS grad, not a Military Medic, not a veteran, Didn’t serve in Vietnam, the only successful thing you’ve ever made up is all this bullshit about your military career which is nonexistent, you are worse than the Devil’s Hemorrhoids, TOTALLY a retarded, soul patch ball dusting, burn pit of worthlessness, you know the old saying “don’t throw the baby out with the bath water?” You would be the exception, he can go fuck a hill of dildos, you’re so fugly, you could make the Sun go down and not want to come up again, you make people that know you, want ass cancer, you make Hillary Clinton’s vagina look attractive, should be blowing everyone in cell block D and taking it up the ass, simultaneously from everyone in cell block C, You fucking LAND WALRUS, shit snorting stain on Hillary Clinton’s yeast infected kootchie covers, you’re lucky we don’t dress you up in drag, drop your ass off somewhere in the Middle East and let an entire battalion of ISIS soldiers and supporters butt rape you until you’re turned inside out, remember that story in the news a while back about a guy that was arrested for fucking his girlfriend’s dog that had been dead for a few days, in front of a daycare center? Yeah, you’re worse than that guy, you make child rape and crib death seem funny, you are such a fuckgasim, you’d leave Don Rickles speechless, you could make Goodwill, the Salvation Army and the Red Cross give you the finger, You make your own Mother cry on Mother’s Day, you’re the reason proctologists are a thing, seeing you frolicking around in all your finery makes me understand why Abba wrote the song Dancing Queen, I’d rather watch AFRTS than see this guy’s shit on the Internet, if you were a planet, you’d be Uranus, YOU are the reason monkeys throw poop, you stupid toilet mint licker, Hitler wishes he had you as a mentor because now he feels like a failure, you weak-kneed no-load pus-nuts pisspants needle-dicked cockroach-fucking slug-licking bucket of lying cockroach shit!, Ball Basting Boy Wondor, What an oily little meatgazer, planetary level atomic flaming douchebag, Santorium, lying shitbag wanna-be fucknozzle cleaner, Impacted breaching turtle head, Rumpleforeskin, parasite on society, What in the bipolar fuck, fuckstain skidmark on the underwear of life, anal bum cover (LOL SNL Jeopardy), taint cookie, Mr. Men’s Room Wide Stance toe tapping glory hole hero, Fartleberry, Some NCO Should have beat you within an inch of your life, insult to humanity, I hope his ego hits the floor like a turd from a tall cows ass, shit-filled meatsack, masturbates to videos of Jar-Jar Binks, pisses off more people than the clackers on an abacus, prepare your anus, karma is going in dry, You are a moron. A window pane licking, urinal cake eating, lying moron, YOU’RE THE REASON ALIENS COME TO EARTH IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND STICK THINGS UP OUR ASSES BECAUSE EVEN ADVANCED CIVILIZATIONS CAN’T FIGURE YOUR SHIT OUT, walking shart shooter, minge, moldy dingleberry on a roadkill swamp rat’s ass, test subject for Preparations A thru G, Remedy critch, Gnard gargling queefsquirt, I heard you were created via frozen embryo, you must have thawed, obstreperous shit-whistle,what’s gross, a truckload of dead babies, what’s grosser than gross, a truckload of dead babies with a live one in the middle trying to eat its way out, what is more disgusting than that? You, stupid enough to try to sandpaper to a wildcat’s ass in a phone booth, Handgallop, twatscicle, Obamawad, tool, bint, sleezebag, weaksauce, Gobshite, fuck hole, Pillsbury Dough Bitch, Should NOT be around WOMEN OR CHILDREN, touches himself inappropriately, Turd-Burglar, rimjobber, turd lizard of a roadkill opossum-humper, cum-dumpster, Inbred buck-toothed slimy toadstool on a Swamp Donkey turd, Useless mangy crotch-dropping, needle dick buttfucker, Putz, rectal inspector, this swollen, sweltering manhole should be infected with herpegonasyphilaids, ferger, Sheep tits, gonad, queefer, chicken shit, choad, Puppy fucker, dopus, Blue Falcon and Blue Waffle, Fuck Apple with mold, twizzletits, tallywacker, Bozack, Fiction-flinging Richard Gere’s Ass Gerbil Felcher, dingleberry circling ass buzzard, bitch, Saprophyte, ATM, pap smear, bukakke glazed shitmitten, Dandy prat, Tazmanian Dorkwad rat fucking, shit-sucking warthog’s asshole, gimp, bescumber, coccydynia, you lying sack of mosquito, Siberian bag of cum-stained hadji sheep shit”, mangina micropeen, Fuckrag, Syphilitic Turd Burglar, possibly likes to pick his teeth with his OWN used catheters, Hircismus, cheat, You couldn’t make a point if someone gave you a pencil sharpener, should be pounded in the poop hole with a turret of a M1 Abrams, and then fired a WP round therein, pope-fondling, turbo apeshit crazy, Cacafuego, Cock-juggling *Pussy* thundercunt, And a new addition thanks to Sarge I hereby introduce you to the ALPHABET ASSAULT:
          Annoying asinine Ampharos asshole assistant to APL; bulimic ballsack biting butt buddy at Brucie’s Bathhouse (entrance in the rear); chronic cocksucking clymidiacic chickenfucking cretin; dumbass dumbshit dickguzzling dimwitted douchebag; erratic earwax eating enema expert; fowl felching monkeyfucking ferret fluffing Uncle Fester look-alike; gregarious gangrene carrying Grinch; hypocrtical hippo humping hackeysack full of horse shit; idiotic inbred imbecile with a low IQ and impotence issues; jumping jackass with jockey shorts full of jellyfish jism; kooky kommunistic klown kitty fucking knave; lying loathsome limpdick lillylivered lazyass llama blowing loser; manmeat mooching meatslapping moosecock muncher; no good ninja nippled needlenutted nobody; obsolete overfucked octopus orgy observer; penis pumping pee filled poster child for proper prophelactic usage; queasy queef quaffing quantum horsesqueeze; ratt fucking rump ranger who plays the rusty trombone; Shit surping semen burping dick sucking sorry sonavabitch with syphilis; taint ticking test subject for tits on men at Tiny’s Truck Stop; unclefucking ugly ass unborn umbilical discharge; valor Vulture and volunteer for vile vaginal discharge vacuum duty,
          wanks to blue waffle porn while waiting for winos to blow at the aforemention truck stop; useful as an upset ugly unicorn uterus; yodleing yellowbellied yak yanker; zipper gazing zealot with zits on his zero inch dick. Fuck off, eat shit, die in a fire.
          If any of this offends you, I’m sorry. If something here *doesn’t* offend you, I’m not trying hard enough!
          We now include the NEW & IMPROVED
          OFFICIAL TAH BINGO CARD®™
          /FREE with every deployment of an equal or greater value
          The Hemisphere of Insults®™
          https://imgur.com/nGqi3aR

          FUCK YOU, ASS HAMSTER!!!
          Can I get an AMEN?! (Or your choice of exclamation/interjection.)
          Here endeth the lesson.

          Oh and one time Blake Morgan said: “ I swear I was hearing “O Beautiful for spacious skies… For amber waves of grain” playing as I was reading this…. “

          So without further ado, here is a link to the New York Orchestra performing America the Beautiful, at Carnegie Hall, for your listening pleasure, if you want a musical accompaniment to the The Hemisphere of Insults®™

  8. Combat Historian says:

    This guys looks like an asshole…

  9. Harry says:

    Looks more like an extra in a low budget filthy movie featuring lotsa franks and no beans.

  10. Comm Center Rat says:

    “…what I do have are a very particular set of make-up artist skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a special effects nightmare for people like you… I will look for you, I will find you, and I will apply make-up to you.”

    ~ Myke the Fake SEAL

  11. GDContractor says:

    “And over here, let’s paint a happy little SEAL.”

  12. FuzeVT says:

    So I guess there are enough legit vets with motorcycles and jackets to make it worth faking. Is that the case? I’ve been retired only 1 year (as of 29 November) so I haven’t been inducted into that whole culture as of yet!

  13. Terry Sheehan says:

    “The only easy day is the day you never did anything at all.”

  14. Mustang Major says:

    Myke Michael appears obsessed with his image. Had to include phony service into his story. Vanity is the downfall of many. He should get a hair cut and have his PSA checked.

  15. Veritas Omnia Vincit says:

    Who the fuck spells Mike with a Y?

    I’m thinking he dies that mustache so it tickles the balls of his partners better than his old man white beard does…

  16. Claw says:

    Based on some quickie research, his draft lottery number of 358 was pulled after all of us had already DEROSed back to the world.

    Got a good laugh from his Approximate Reputation Score on MyLife – it starts out at Point Zero Three Six (.036) and ends at One Point Eight Six (1.86), so it’s now wonder that he looks all felonious and shit./s

  17. Skyjumper says:

    Hollywood make-up artist with a bad self made impression of Steven Seagul?

    Was “Myke” also a cook on board a ship disguised as a Navy SEAL too?

  18. Daisy Cutter says:

    His beard and goatee says “skunk.”

  19. HMCS(FMF) ret says:

    Fellitating pinnapeds is not a requirement for becoming a Navy SEAL, Myke Michaels…

    Cocksucker

  20. ninja says:

    Well, this is interesting.

    Dude was born in August 1954 (Public Information).

    Supposedly, he graduated from Van Nuys High School (California) in 1972, yet I cannot find him in the 1972 Van Nuys Highs School Yearbook.

    https://www.mylife.com/myke-michaels/e533317353630

    Majority of folks that I know who were born in 1954 DID graduate from High School in 1954.

    Have no idea if that was his legal name in 1972 (Myke Michaels), but it was his legal name in 2003 when he filed for divorce.

    Additionally, in 1983, he (Myke Michaels) was identified in some newspapers as being a “Top Hollywood Stylist” and had recommended that when women get older, they should lighten their hair rather than darken it.

    So says the guy who obviously uses “Just For Men” on his hair and beard.

    Probably gets asked all the time “Are you related to George Michaels?”

    *sarc on*

  21. Combat Historian says:

    “Majority of folks that I know who were born in 1954 DID graduate from High School in 1954…”

    ???

    • Mason says:

      You didn’t get your diploma as you came through the birth canal?

      Weirdo.

      • ninja says:

        CH and Mason:

        Yep, this ninja made a big mistake as well as failure to proofread.

        Should be “Majority of folks that I know who were born in 1954 DID graduate from High School in ‘1972’”

        NOT “graduate from High School in ‘1954’.”

        As some of us were taught in the Army “No Excuse, Drill Sgt”. One of them was me.

        So: No Excuse! ninja make Boo-Boo!

        And yes, Mason, you got it right the first time. Internet “stalking”.

        That’s why I’m “ninja”.

        😉😎

  22. Martinjmpr says:

    Hey, Mykie, the biker from The Village People called. He wants his mustache back.

  23. 26Limabeans says:

    He may be closly related to his family with
    that Hapsburg jaw.

  24. ninja says:

    Myke Michaels looks if he is related to this other Phony that was featured in this 2011 TAH Posting:

    “Jonathan Sharkey”

    https://valorguardians.com/blog/?p=27204&cpage=1#comments

  25. USAF RET says:

    From his IMDb page: While growing up in the streets of Los Angeles, and training for many years as a martial artist, Myke Michaels always dreamed of getting into the film industry in front of the camera.

    Doesn’t mention his military career…at all. He does call himself “Wolf”

    Dick BTW IMDb page is 2nd to this page when you google-foo him.

  26. HT '83-'87 says:

    Tony Iommi of Black Sabbath and the inventor of the heavy metal guitar riff says “Stop trying to rip-off my look!!!”

  27. WOW, It’s been awhile since we had a Monday morning Seal poser at the TAH starting gate.

  28. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    Cocksucker.

  29. JURASSICHM says:

    Looks like Gene Simmons and Steven Segal have been giving this guy fashion advice.

    • The Stranger says:

      Well, Gene’s been banging Shannon Tweed for over 35 years and Seagal was married to Kelly Le Broc, so that look clearly works for them. However, they have the fame and dollars to pull it off. This guy…not so much.

  30. 11B-Mailclerk says:

    Terl

    Or maybe his idiot cousin.

  31. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    Myke Ivan Michaels has NEVER even served in the US Military according to Official Records found.
    Myke Ivan Michaels dresses like a wannabe centerfold for Gayboy magazine.
    Myke Ivan Michaels WAS NEVER a USN SEAL.
    Myke Ivan Michaels is another reject Apprentice Towel Boy at Brucie’s Bath House (Entrance in the Rear).
    Myke Ivan Michaels look like he enjoys blowing winos behind bus stops for spare change.
    Myke Ivan Michaels also looks like the type who cruises highway rest areas in search of a date.
    Myke Ivan Michaels dresses like a Village People wannabe.
    Myke Ivan Michaels is completely full of goose shit when he claims to have studied BUD/S at the US Navy Senior Enlisted Academy.
    Myke Ivan Michaels looks like he belongs in Elko NV.
    Myke Ivan Michaels is a 24K stupidass for thinking he’d get away with his facade of being a USN SEAL.
    Myke Ivan Michaels looks like he regularly goes to The Blue Oyster.
    Myke Ivan Michaels might be a regular Platinum Customer at Brucie’s Bath House (Entrance in the Rear).
    Myke Ivan Michaels look like he’s never even handled a firearm in his lilfe, let alone being a Navy SEAL.
    Myke Ivan Michaels should NOT be left alone with Women or Minors.
    Myke Ivan Michaels looks like a creepy Night Shift Clerk at a “Stop and Rob” convenience store.
    Myke Ivan Michaels should never be left alone around schools whether they are Elementary, Middle or High Schools.
    Myke Ivan Michaels WAS NEVER a Military “Field Medic”, does he even know how to apply a Band-Aid?
    Myke Ivan Michaels looks like he really believes that Epstein killed himself.
    Myke Ivan Michaels IS NOT a Vietnam Veteran.

    How Copy,

    ((((OVER))))

    • 26Limabeans says:

      API DE BEANS
      I READBACK
      BT
      Myke Ivan Michaels has NEVER even served in the US Military according to Official Records found.
      Myke Ivan Michaels dresses like a wannabe centerfold for Gayboy magazine.
      Myke Ivan Michaels WAS NEVER a USN SEAL.
      Myke Ivan Michaels is another reject Apprentice Towel Boy at Brucie’s Bath House (Entrance in the Rear).
      Myke Ivan Michaels look like he enjoys blowing winos behind bus stops for spare change.
      Myke Ivan Michaels also looks like the type who cruises highway rest areas in search of a date.
      Myke Ivan Michaels dresses like a Village People wannabe.
      Myke Ivan Michaels is completely full of goose shit when he claims to have studied BUD/S at the US Navy Senior Enlisted Academy.
      Myke Ivan Michaels looks like he belongs in Elko NV.
      Myke Ivan Michaels is a 24K stupidass for thinking he’d get away with his facade of being a USN SEAL.
      Myke Ivan Michaels looks like he regularly goes to The Blue Oyster.
      Myke Ivan Michaels might be a regular Platinum Customer at Brucie’s Bath House (Entrance in the Rear).
      Myke Ivan Michaels look like he’s never even handled a firearm in his lilfe, let alone being a Navy SEAL.
      Myke Ivan Michaels should NOT be left alone with Women or Minors.
      Myke Ivan Michaels looks like a creepy Night Shift Clerk at a “Stop and Rob” convenience store.
      Myke Ivan Michaels should never be left alone around schools whether they are Elementary, Middle or High Schools.
      Myke Ivan Michaels WAS NEVER a Military “Field Medic”, does he even know how to apply a Band-Aid?
      Myke Ivan Michaels looks like he really believes that Epstein killed himself.
      Myke Ivan Michaels IS NOT a Vietnam Veteran.
      BT
      AR

      • Sarge says:

        Transmission was sketchy, I copied:

        Myke Ivan Michaels has NEVER even served in the US Military according to Official Records found.
        Myke Ivan Michaels dresses like a wannabe centerfold for Gayboy magazine.
        Myke Ivan Michaels WAS NEVER a USN SEAL.
        Myke Ivan Michaels is another reject Apprentice Towel Boy at Brucie’s Bath House (Entrance in the Rear).
        Myke Ivan Michaels look like he enjoys blowing winos behind bus stops for spare change.
        Myke Ivan Michaels also looks like the type who cruises highway rest areas in search of a date.
        Myke Ivan Michaels dresses like a Village People wannabe.
        Myke Ivan Michaels is completely full of goose shit when he claims to have studied BUD/S at the US Navy Senior Enlisted Academy.
        Myke Ivan Michaels looks like he belongs in Elko NV.
        Myke Ivan Michaels is a 24K stupidass for thinking he’d get away with his facade of being a USN SEAL.
        Myke Ivan Michaels looks like he regularly goes to The Blue Oyster.
        Myke Ivan Michaels might be a regular Platinum Customer at Brucie’s Bath House (Entrance in the Rear).
        Myke Ivan Michaels look like he’s never even handled a firearm in his lilfe, let alone being a Navy SEAL.
        Myke Ivan Michaels should NOT be left alone with Women or Minors.
        Myke Ivan Michaels looks like a creepy Night Shift Clerk at a “Stop and Rob” convenience store.
        Myke Ivan Michaels should never be left alone around schools whether they are Elementary, Middle or High Schools.
        Myke Ivan Michaels WAS NEVER a Military “Field Medic”, does he even know how to apply a Band-Aid?
        Myke Ivan Michaels looks like he really believes that Epstein killed himself.
        Myke Ivan Michaels IS NOT a Vietnam Veteran.

        I also copy:

        Myke Ivan Michaels knows the struggle is real…whether to eat another donut or blow another wino.
        Myke Ivan Michaels is the reason people like us have middle fingers.
        Myke Ivan Michaels’s mom dropped him off for school, she got a ticket for littering.
        Myke Ivan Michaels is safe because Zombies eat brains.
        Myke Ivan Michaels has the right to be stupid but apparently he’s abusing the privilege.
        Myke Ivan Michaels should not take himself seriously, since no one else does.
        Myke Ivan Michaels looks like his face caught fire and someone tried to put it out with a fork.
        Myke Ivan Michaels is the reason that people like me look good.
        Myke Ivan Michaels wanted to go to the moon as a kid, but NASA stopped sending monkeys.
        Myke Ivan Michaels is as useless as the “Ay” in “Okay”.
        Myke Ivan Michaels should tell me about himself, I enjoy horror stories.
        Myke Ivan Michaels reminds me of my Chinese friend…Ug Lee.
        Myke Ivan Michaels has a face like a saint, a Saint Bernard.
        Myke Ivan Michaels is the main reason scientists decided that we decsended from apes.
        Myke Ivan Michaels had a brain transplant but the brain rejected him
        Myke Ivan Michaels didn’t fall out of the stupid tree, he was hit by the stupid forest.
        Myke Ivan Michaels is so fake he makes Barbie look real.
        Myke Ivan Michaels entered a stupid contest but the judges stopped it and said “No experts allowed!”
        Myke Ivan Michaels is the reason why the Earth rotates…to get away from his face.
        Myke Ivan Michaels should not let his mind wander, its far to small to get let out on its own.
        Myke Ivan Michaels does not need a home security system, his far is more than enough to scare anyone away.
        Myke Ivan Michaels is why they ut the word failure in the dictionary.
        Myke Ivan Michaels is loved by Jesus but everyone else thinks he’s an idiot.
        Myke Ivan Michaels needs to replace his chapstick with a glue stick and shut the fuck up.

  32. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    Myke Ivan Michaels is about as desired as goose shit on a golf course.

  33. rgr769 says:

    “MYke’s” POSer work as a fake SEAL is some of the weakest sauce we have ever had here. No Harley, no doo rag, no blinged up vest, no “love me” wall of war heroism, no service dog, and no internet sourced photos of real SEALs on his social media. The guy is barely trying, IMHO. For the sake of his actor clients, I would hope he is better with his makeup skills than with fake military claims.

  34. sbalm says:

    This explains it…

    myke_pm

    • A Proud Infidel®™ says:

      “I was hacked…” what’s that, play #2 in the SV Excuses Manual? I sometimes kinda miss seeing sockpuppets, they always made such fun chew toys!

    • Green Thumb says:

      What going on is the party in his mouth and everyone is cumming….

    • Claw says:

      Mykey should thank that hacker for purging all of the military oriented photos from his FakeBook page, especially the one that prompted the imposter comment.

      It’s real easy to be confused when a picture of a group of men standing in front of a shanty/hooch that has the word “SEALS” spray painted on it, and somebody says, “Hey, Myke, is that you on the left?” and you say “Yeah, that’s me.”, and then later deny you were ever a SEAL and your FB account was hacked.

      Oh, Well, you’ll always have that picture of you with Chuck Norris to fap to late at night./s

  35. Daisy Cutter says:

    The hacking excuse can be filed under “the other guy did it” line of defense.

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