Gretchen Evans; the embellishing sergeant major

| October 18, 2016

Gretchen Evans

Someone sent us a link to this Gretchen Evans’ Facebook profile and we found the picture above interesting, so we sent for her records. It turns out that she is indeed a retired sergeant major with a long career in the National Guard and the Reserves as an intelligence specialist and a military police officer. But, what got me interested is the Free Fall wings. According to her records, she didn’t earn those wings;

Gretchen Watson FOIA

Gretchen Watson Awards

Gretchen Doty ID card photo

Gretchen Doty FOIA

Gretchen Doty FOIA Awards Training

I also don’t see any Air Assault wings in her records. She did go to the Basic Airborne Course, but she got carried away.

Gretchen Doty Assignments

I also don’t see a Combat Action Badge in her records, nor is there an assignment to the 82d Airborne Division. She was assigned to Combined Forces Command-Afghanistan for her only deployment;

Gretchen Doty BSM

She’s wearing overseas bars for three years of deployments, but I’m not seeing it in her records. It’s all pretty low grade pretending, but she’s a sergeant major and she should be held to a higher standard. I guess she figures that she was cheated in the badges department, so she just pinned on some pretty ones.

Category: Phony soldiers

Comments (215)

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  1. Ex-PH2 says:

    Gretchen? Gretchen?

    Oh, I am not going to start this morning. I’m going to go do things that I enjoy instead.

  2. AverageNCO says:

    Looks like she has a service dog… she has to be legit, right?

  3. HMCS(FMF) ret says:

    Jeezus… and with a dog. Shows you how low some will go to embellish their service.

  4. AZtoVA says:

    Why does that look like a Finance Crest? 852 RAOC? Too bad I’ve lost contact with a Captain who was in that unit around the same time…

    And someone needs to pimp-slap the unit clerk that wrote National “Guards” vice National Guard….

    I’m just glad she left AZ for TX before pulling this particular stoopid.

    • Bobo says:

      Intel. That tells me that she had a TS/SCI. I hope that her current employment isn’t based on that clearance. I’m sure that her next 5 year reinvestigation won’t be favorable when the investigators Google her name and see this.

      • Ncat says:

        Don’t be so sure. Fortunately for her, I’m not sure if the Counter-Intel guys have learned about Google yet. Skinny “Chelsea” Manning had that clearance, yes?

    • thebesig says:

      Originally posted by AZtoVA:

      And someone needs to pimp-slap the unit clerk that wrote National “Guards” vice National Guard….

      Also, they should administer said individual another pimp-slap for putting “Army Reserves” vice “Army Reserve”.

      On a side note, it’s “PSYOP” not “PSYOPS”. :mrgreen:

  5. AZtoVA says:

    Found a CSM Gretchen Evans on RallyPoint. No picture, status shows veteran instead of retiree, and location is Georgia. Odds?

    Also, that IS a service dog. Has a service dog harness, so must be legit.

  6. AZtoVA says:

    Of course, the Service Dogs from VetDogs could be for that Navy Captain that graces so many of her pictures….

  7. Hondo says:

    Hmm. Worn but not listed as authorized in the FOIA reply:

    1. Badges: MFF, Air Assault, CAB – only qual badge listed is basic parachutist

    2. Personal Awards: DMSM, GWOTEM, HSM, AFSM not listed on FOIA reply. Plus she’s wearing an extra OLC on both the ARCOM and AAM and maybe an extra knot on the GCM beyond those documented in the FOIA reply. I’m presuming the partially-hidden ribbon inboard on the 4th row from the top and bottom is the ARCAM.

    3. Unit Awards: MUC and PUC not listed. Only unit award listed on the FOIA reply as authorized for permanent wear is the ASUA.

    4. Overseas Bars: FOIA documents at most 3 (Oct 2004 to Mar 2006) – and that’s a bit of a stretch, since she appears to have retired in early March 2006. She’s wearing 6.

    I also question whether all 3 GCMs are legit; I don’t see enough active-duty time for three GCMs, and only the 1st GCM can be awarded for a 1-yr mobilization. But I suspect the individual has some active service prior to 1989 that’s not listed on the FOIA reply. From 1989-2006 isn’t enough time for a normal retirement and I’d have to see proof to believe she made SGM in roughly 17 years (which she’d have had to have done to retire medically at that rank).


    • Jonn Lilyea says:

      I forgot that I had another FOIA on her that came back with no deployments – I had to submit again. But I added the other FOIA and she had ten years on active duty, apparently.

      • Hondo says:

        Thanks, Jonn. That explains the GCMs and makes the timing work out.

      • BigHead Tom says:

        I see 1SG course but I don’t see any USASMA course.

      • Gretchen Evans says:

        Thank you for doing due diligence. I did serve 10 years on Active Duty. Also I earned my HALO wings and AA wings while assigned to the Intelligence Support Activity. We were put on orders using the DASR. The Department of the Army Special Roster which protected out unit assignment and names. Since it is difficult but not impossible to prove I’ll take your advice and remove the wings.

        My story FUBAR Mountain was publushed as fiction and all names are fictional including mine. I only used my name as the author as required by publishing company.

        I am helping veterans in many ways. I am active with WWP and IAVA, America’s VetDogs and No Barriers.

        As far as my hearing loss I was not injuried at Camp Eggers, Kabul Afghanistan but at Salerno. I am 70% disabled.

        I am 90% deaf as a result. No purple heart awarded and of course I do not wear one. My service dog is a hearing service dog.

        My husband Captain Evans U.S. Navy is an honorable man and would ask any negative remarks about him be removed.

        My physical appearance seems to be the biggest subject under attack sorry I am not pretty. I did not think that was a necessary factor in serving.

        I would ask a favor, pls remove blog until you have the opportunity to verify my assignment with ISA. You will read that all members were HALO qualified.

        Here is a few names that can verify my attendance. SGM Larry Seals, CPThe Kimberly Hall, LTC David McKnight.

        Let me know what else I can do to satisfy your requirements.


        • ex-OS2 says:

          You can want in one hand and spit in the other….

        • Ex-PH2 says:

          A little advice, Gretchen.

          If you want to write fiction, then plainly label it as fiction, and make it clear from the start that your product is nothing but entertainment. You do that by saying ‘This is a work of fiction, for entertainment purposes only.’

          Second, I’d suggest that you use wattpad as a starting point to gain an audience, or Amazon’s Kindle Direct Publishing or Create Space, Kobo, or Smashwords, as none of them are ripoffs like the site you were using.

    • PFM says:

      The Guard also awards soldiers with the GCM after a tour – valid for most with the first award. Problem is, they usually make them blanket orders for the unit, and personnel can receive them that shouldn’t. I’m a case in point – had 2 GCM from Active service and the state of NY awarded me one for my first trip to Iraq. Obviously I wasn’t authorized, and have been spending the last 11 years trying to get the order rescinded. I don’t wear the 3rd award, but some out there just might be tempted…

      • Hondo says:

        Correct. See para 4-5.c. of AR 600-8-22, which clearly states that the reduced active service requirement (more than 1 year but less than 3 years) applies to 1st award only.

      • Graybeard says:

        That is ironic – PFM has to work to get rid of an award he did not earn, while the Stolen Valor types claim honors they did not earn.

        Good on ya, PFM.

        • PFM says:

          Damn, I forgot that the Guard only does 9 month tours now and during the period of her time in Afghan. Have to go with Jonn’s assertion that she might have the time.

          • Hondo says:

            Well, the second FOIA Jonn added says she has 10+ years active duty. I think that might be enough to account for 3 Army GCMs. (smile)

            • Gretchen Evans says:

              Thank you for going the extra mile to verify my entire service. 10 Years active the rest National Guard. Retired gray area reservists.

              I would ask that you also look now at my records and verify that I was assigned to the Intelligence Support Activity. This was an unusual unit that supported special units. I was sent to training for HALO, Air Assault a member of this unit. All members of this unit were under DASR Department of the Army Special Roster.

              I am truly trying to verify to you my legitimacy. You seem to be the voice of reason and if you can help that would be great. I would ask that until verified or unverified that the blog be removed using the benefit of the doubt innocent until proven guilty case. If not I understand.

              I am helping veterans out here. Nothing for me. No money nothing for anything.

              My story FUBAR Mountain was published as fiction and the names as sited are fictional. No lies there either. I appreciate what you guys do but in the case not fully vetted.
              I’m sorry my physical appearance seemed to be such a factor. I apologize for not being pretty. I did not think that mattered.

  8. SKYJUMPER says:

    Here’s a youtube video with her talking about her “hearing” service dog & her injuries from a morter attack.

  9. 2/17 Air Cav says:

    She says in a video that she was 10 feet away from a mortar round that exploded and that, in addition to shrapnel wounds, she lost nearly 90 % of her hearing in an ear. That’s why she has the doggie.

    • MustangCryppie says:

      Hmmm. I don’t see a PH in her record or her rack of ribbons. Guess she figured that was a bridge too far.

      • USAF Ret says:

        Saw the same thing. She must of been in during the time that they gave out service dogs instead of Purple Hearts. I believe that it was test program.

        Looks like she failed.

      • 2/17 Air Cav says:

        Yeah, but why give this 10-feet (!) from splodin’ mortar round story w/o bullshit backup for the bullshit story? I needs to know!

        • GDContractor says:

          10 yards counsellor

        • GDContractor says:

          Before IDC SARC chimes in, someone has beat him to it.

          A bicyclist hit her going 35mph.
          (Where was she, on an Olympic track?)

        • 26Limabeans says:

          Ten feet? Even at ten meters she should be dead.

          • Hondo says:

            Or at least wounded by shrapnel. Which would indeed result in her requiring medical treatment for the wound and afterwards being awarded a Purple Heart.

            Even if her only injury was a blown-out eardrum, that would have likewise required medical treatment, would have been documented – and would thus have qualified her for a Purple Heart as well.

            She’s not wearing a PH, and the FOIA reply doesn’t list one. Draw your own conclusions from those two facts.

            • I couldn’t watch the whole video, it was so full of bovine manure !! any cyclist coming upon someone at 35 mph is superman or going downhill, I am cyclist and when I was at fastest when I was in my 20’s I could on good day do a 25mph pace and sprint up to 30mph on level terrain and their was only 2 peers who could stay with me and that was on a road bike that weighed slightly less than 17lbs with all Campognolo components, I am now 61 and still ride a different style bike, because I ride on a combination of road and dirt canal tow path and do a pace of around 15mph and still pass people and I don’t sprint no more, hurts to much….I’ve never been under mortar attack so I know little about the reality of being under that sort of attack, other than training, but it seems to me 10 yards away…you will either be dead, missing digits, walking with a limp and be scared besides a blown ear drum….this scare crows story does not compute , jive nor seem truthful

          • rgr769 says:

            Ten feet is within the bursting radius of those mini-frags we carried in “the Nam.” No way she was within 10 feet or even a 60mm detonation unless she was on the other side of a blast wall or in a bunker. She would be peppered with shrapnel wounds and certainly would have PH, which she doesn’t. Also, note she claims in her phony bio that she has a 70% disability from the VA.

            • rgr769 says:

              She actually says 10 yards in the video. However, all mortar rounds I am familiar with have casualty radii much larger than 10 yards. A 40mm M79 grenade has a radius of 15 meters. So, I still don’t buy it.

    • 2/17 Air Cav says:

      So, where’s her Purple Heart?

    • Poetrooper says:

      Cav, are you referring to that incident where she and Hillary landed under fire in Bosnia or wherever? That we know for certain is entirely legit because Hillary told us so.

  10. JimV says:

    Look at all those awards on her chest. Does the Guard give out awards for attending drill? (most of my career was in the USAR so I can joke about this)

    What is the deal with retirees wearing the uniform?

    I have one set BDU’S and my Class A’s in mini-storage. Big deal.

    • MustangCryppie says:

      “What is the deal with retirees wearing the uniform?

      Cause they can!

      Man, I WISH I could fit into my uniform!

      • Martinjmpr says:

        Re: Uniforms, I was talking to another gray-area retiree about that this weekend.

        Weird how those uniforms shrink after retirement, ain’t it? 😀

        • Bill M says:

          Darn things do it every time.

          • I haven’t worn my uniform since the day I discharged, and only have 1 blue dress jacket left, the last field jacket issued to me plus the original issued at BMT which I wore for 4 years before getting the other one…and my Arctic weather parka with mittens, the cunt cap, I hated the “bus driver hat” and happily sold it to some wannabe in a yardsale a decade ago…that’s it and they all still fit…granted a little tighter…I really don’t get wearing the uniform long after saying “see ya'” to military service, only embellishers and fakes seem to want to do that IMO

            • Truth. I parked my Class A AG-44 in the closet where it stayed until a very insecure wife burned it and all my military photos and mementos. These days I am asked why I don’t wear a “Boonie Hat” to events. I remind them that while I do have a boonie hat, that it is for wear while in the “Boonies”. Military supporting T-Shirts, (RangerUp type), are as close as I get.

            • Ex-PH2 says:

              Well, I made sure my Space Fleet uniform fits, no matter what. That’s what elastic and stretch fabrics are designed to do.
              The only place there’s no spandex is on the color block, but that’s where all your funky Space Fleet jewelry is supposed to go.

      • HMC Ret says:

        Roger that, MC

    • Hondo says:

      Does the Guard give out awards for attending drill?

      Actually, yes – and so do USAR units if their chains-of-command are doing their jobs properly. It’s called the ARCAM. It’s the functional equivalent of the GCM for the RC, with some differences unique to the RC – one difference being that officer personnel also qualify to receive it.

      • Martinjmpr says:

        Also some states have state awards – I have a 10 year “longevity” award from the Wyoming NG (which is odd because I was only in the Wyoming NG for about 3 years – apparently they count ALL NG time for the state award and I had about 11 total.)

        • MSGT_RET says:

          When I was an enlisted troop in the Vermont Air National Guard you could earn the following for “longevity”:

          1. Air Reserve Forces Meritorious Service Medal (3 years)

          2. Vermont Good Conduct Award (3 years)

          3. Vermont Duty Ribbon (3 years)

          4. Air Force Longevity Service Ribbon (4 years)

          5. Vermont Service Ribbon (5 years)

          6. Armed Forces Reserve Medal (10 years)

          Talk about overkill!

      • JimV says:

        I forgot about the ARCAM. I assume I may have one of those. I just don’t keep with my past service.

      • Bobo says:

        You forgot the Armed Forces Reserve Medal. It is awarded for mobilizations and/or 10 years of service in the RC.

        • Hondo says:

          Didn’t forget it, because it doesn’t require unit membership or IMA assignment.

          The AFRM is awarded for 10 years of service qualifying for retirement in a 12 year period, to be precise. But the service need not be in a unit – IRR members are also eligible. It’s also awarded for mobilization or VOLAD in support of contingency operations to IRR members who are mobilized or volunteer for extended AD ISO designated contingency operations.

          Unless my memory is faulty, ARCAM requires SELRES membership. That means IMA or TPU assignment.

          • MrBill says:

            Right on the money, Hondo. You cannot get an ARCAM in IRR status, even if your IRR years are “good” years for retirement purposes.

    • NormanS says:

      Actually, yes. I have a California Drill Attendance Ribbon (CADAR) with one silver star device and two bronze star devices (eight awards, total; probably should be more, but that is all that’s been documented.)

  11. 2/17 Air Cav says:

    One look at her and the term Warrior immediately comes to mind.

  12. Graybeard says:

    Dang. An honorable career, and she has to take a dump on it?

    SGM Gretchen G. Doty (Ret.) – do your duty honorably.

    Be neither a dotard nor a retard.

  13. 2/17 Air Cav says:

    Looking at her imposing stature and listening to her attention-commanding voice makes me wonder why the Army let her retire. Cripes.

    • Charlie Foxtrot says:

      Was she ever anything but a beta-type desk jockey? It looks to me like she let everyone else have all the doughnuts.

  14. ex-OS2 says:

    I got nothing.

  15. 2/17 Air Cav says:

    I realize that not everyone can look the part but, shit, she has definitely set a new low.

  16. Ex-PH2 says:

    Service dog because she’s partially deaf?

    Geez, I’m not deaf yet, and if I don’t hear the microwave, I’m reminded about it by my cat.

    So she can’t just wear a hearing aid like other people do? When are these people going to train their own dogs instead of ‘obtaining’ one?

    • Martinjmpr says:

      Put a vest on your cat and call it a service cat. Then you can take it anywhere. 😉

      • Ex-PH2 says:

        He wants cookies for doing things, not a vest. He thinks vests are for the dogs.

      • Graybeard says:

        Have you tried putting a vest on a cat?
        I know I see pictures of cats in all sorts of attire – and have no clue how they get that way. If I try to put anything like that on our cats, I’d better be wearing my leathers, welding gloves, and eye-pro or I’m taking a trip to the ER for severe lacerations.

        • Claw says:

          A little Mickey Finn in the Friskies does the trick every time.

          • Graybeard says:

            One of the funniest scenes I’ve ever witnessed is when our old, cranky buzzsaw of a cat was coming off of a Mickey Finn after a move.

            Looked like a sailor trying to get back to ship after shore leave.

    • SKYJUMPER says:

      At $50,000 a dog per “America’s VetDogs” website, that’s nothing to sneeze at for being partially deaf.

      Like you Ex-PH2, I’m not deaf yet, but occasionally when I don’t hear the “dinger” on the oven usually the smoke from the kitchen is a good giveaway that my dinner is done. 😉

  17. MSGRetired says:

    C U Next Tuesday Gretchen …

  18. gitarcarver says:

    The Bronze Star award was for being an “asset” and for “making life better” in a camp?

    Sorry, but there goes my opinion of the valor associated with that award.

    I may be the only one, but I don’t think one should be awarded a Bronze Star for simply doing their day to day job in a routine manner.

    • MSGT_RET says:

      There is only valor associated with the Bronze Star if it was awarded with a “V” device. Otherwise, it’s the equivalent of a Meritorious Service Medal awarded in a combat zone.

    • Hondo says:

      A BSM awarded for service (in the Army and USAF, without the “V” device) is not an award for valor. Rather, it’s the combat-zone equivalent of the MSM (the criteria for award for service are virtually word-for-word identical). In the Army and USAF, it’s only an award for valor if it is awarded with the “V” device. (The Navy and USMC use the “V” device somewhat differently, so that’s not necessarily true for a Navy or USMC BSM.)

      The same is true for the ARCOM, JSCM, or Air Medal. Those can be awarded for either an act of valor or for meritorious acts/service. When awarded for an act of valor by the USAF or Army, they’re awarded with the “V” device.

      • gitarcarver says:

        Thanks all for the clarification.

        It almost sounds like it is a Little League trophy for just showing up.

        • 2/17 Air Cav says:

          Zactly what it is.

          • Hondo says:

            Not really. I’ve seen a number of individuals leave a combat zone without one who arguably would have been expected to receive one. If it were truly only a “participation trophy”, they’d have received one regardless.

            Sometimes that happened because they didn’t deserve a BSM (and may not have deserved the lower decoration that they received instead). Other times it was because they got “jobbed” by their chain-of-command.

            • 2/17 Air Cav says:

              The trophy was an exaggeration but Bronze Stars like hers are exactly that. It’s the equivalent of the refrigerator magnet that reads, “Niagra Falls” or some such thing. In terms of value, it ranks right up there with the Cold War certificate and NDSM.

              • 2/17 Air Cav says:

                I know a mailman that rec’d his for moving the mail very, very well. I also know a guy who moved a lot of 105 ammo and did so very, very well.

        • MSGT_RET says:

          Typically only for Senior NCOs and Officers though.

          • Hondo says:

            Understandable, because that’s generally the case for the MSM as well. Don’t see many MSMs awarded to E5s and below – and from what I’ve seen they’re rare for E6s and not that common for E7s.

            • MSGT_RET says:

              In the Air Force, the MSM was most often awarded to E-7 thru E-9 at retirement.

              • Hondo says:

                In the Army, it’s not completely unheard of for an E6 or E7 to receive one other than as a retirement award. But my impression is it was fairly rare in the case of an E7 and truly rare for an E6. For E8 and above, it didn’t seem quite as rare as a non-retirement award.

                In theory, that’s due to “scope of responsibility”. That’s probably at least partly the reason – but historical precedent and rank bias also probably plays a part.

                FWIW: receiving the MSM was pretty damn rare for Lieutenants also, and was not very common among CPTs in the Army. Reasons IMO were largely the same.

                • O-4E says:

                  In the Army (in a “peacetime” environment) the first MSM an enlisted person will generally get is at E7 coming of Platoon Sergeant Duty. Some E6s may get them for coming off Drill Sergeant or Recruiting Duty.

                  An Officer will typically not see one until coming out of Company/Battery/Troop Command as an O3

      • USAFRetired says:

        Hondo unless something has changed in the USAF the V isn’t awarded with the Air Medal. A few years back the USAF did add the V to the Distinguished Flying Cross (DFC) to differentiate between combat awards where someone put there but on the line and fancy flying.

        I lost my awe for the DFC after DESERT STORM when all deployed pilots of the 388th TFW were given the DFC because they flew with the LANTIRN.

        • Hondo says:

          I’ve seen different sources say both about the USAF and the Air Medal – one source says it’s used, another says no. Last time I checked, the USAF reg didn’t list it as authorized for use on the AM, but the wording was IMO rather ambiguous.

          You could easily be right and “no V for AM” may still be current USAF policy. Dunno.

    • AZtoVA says:

      Bronze Star without the V for valor is the equivalent of an MSM, commonly referred to as the Field Grade good conduct medal.

      I have received, but did not frame any certificates and didn’t bother with the license plates.

      Like many on here, the fruit salad doesn’t matter once you’ve taken the uniform off for the last time. Sign of desperate need for attention.

    • Graybeard says:

      OK – I’m more like gitar on this one. But it may be ’cause the guys I knew with the Bronze Star came out of WWII. I know there is the “V” device for valor, but I thought they had to at least be on the lines where the lead was flying during major battles. Or is my history wrong?

      • Claw says:

        Yep, you’re right.

        But the all new (low) standard for a BSM w/V was set when the III Corps Sergeant Major in Iraq was awarded a BSM w/V for pulling the 1600-1800 main gate guard slot so Joe Snuffy could go and eat supper at a reasonable time.

        • Jonn Lilyea says:

          While we were on a night attack, the CSM of an armor battalion ordered his HMMV driver to stop. He jumped out of the vehicle, climbed on top of a T55 and fired his M9 through the commander’s hatch. It was pitch dark miles behind the actual vanguard of the attack, no one saw the result of his assault (ie no bodies), but he got a BSM w/V for it and Tom Clancy wrote about it.

          • Bobo says:

            I often wonder the circumstances behind Petraeus’ BSM w/V given the fact that he was the 101st’s CG and the award certificate mentions nothing about a specific instance of valor.

            I’m sure that it was all legit, though.

      • Hondo says:

        The Army – in what IMO was an ill-advised one-time action – retroactively authorized the BSM to EVERY soldier in World War II who had received the CIB (they did have to apply and prove that they’d received the CIB). However, the BSM was also awarded to individuals for specific acts during World War II as well. So to answer your question – it depends.

        I’m not denigrating the CIB, but getting shot at and shooting back is what any soldier is expected to do if circumstances require. The CIB recognizes that – as does the CMB and CAB today.

        Bottom line: a BSM from World War II could be because the recipient did something truly special. But most are likely due to having been infantry and participated in a firefight at least once. That’s indeed laudable, but was already recognized via award of the CIB.

        • Graybeard says:

          Glad to know I wasn’t too off-base.
          The guys I’m thinking of – my father and a fellow Scoutmaster – would never have applied for a retro-BSM.

          I know the fellow Scoutmaster was comm-Sergeant at Anzio and after, with multiple PHs and at least 2 BSMs.
          Dad went in with the 103rd ID and was among the first in Germany. He only had 1 BSM. I’d have to check his paperwork to tell which battle it was.

    • rgr769 says:

      As most know, it is not a valor award unless it has a V device. I have two for meritorious service commanding rifle companies in combat in RVN, but most of the staff pukes and other REMF officers got them if they did a full 12 month tour. For most commissioned officers, it was another “I was there” medal. Interestingly, I got nothing for doing my most dangerous job (Ranger Co. CO), where I almost got killed twice in aircraft.

  19. Anonymous says:

    WTF? I could’ve claimed a CAB for being within 200 meters of rocket strikes, but (not being knocked down, injured or in a building hit by them) I’d have felt like a scam artist…

  20. 2/17 Air Cav says:

    I knew I had seen her before! You’re familiar with the famous painting American Gothic? That’s the one with the farmer, his wife, and a pitchfork. She is the spittin’ image of the farmer.

  21. Hack Stone says:

    When did Lyle Lovett join the Army?

    • ChipNASA says:

      Holy F*cking Sh*t. I’m glad I didn’t have my cup in my hand and wasn’t drinking.


    • Hondo says:

      Sure it wasn’t Woody Harrelson’s skinny sister?

      • HMC Ret says:

        Damn you, Stone

        • Hack Stone says:

          Are you channeling Psaul? It is witty comments like that which convinced Elaine Ricci, a pedigreed K Street lobbyist and graduate of one of the top five schools in America, to give a chance unlucky sperm such as myself to be the Director of Media Relations for a proud woman owned business formerly located on Wilson Lane in Bethesda MD. In fact, she had so much confidence in me that she gave me a lifetime contract. And if anyone wants to dispute that, they can bring Elaine Ricci into a courtroom and swear under oath that it is not true.

      • David says:

        My money was on Doogie… maybe Nellie Patricia Harris?

  22. Bobo says:

    That’s it. Next time Jr. starts bitching about wanting a dog, instead of throwing down $1000+ for a Labrador Retriever puppy that has to be house broken and trained, I’m grabbing my DD-214 and heading to America’s Vet Dogs where I can get a free one that is already house broken and trained.

  23. spd0302 says:

    Perhaps James Madison University would like to see this information regarding their panel speaker from last year….

    • spd0302 says:

      I wonder if she wore all of her “jewelry” to this event in the company of the other panel speakers.

      • Tony180a says:

        Of course she did. Assholes like her would never miss a chance to parade around in public screaming look at me! I’d be willing to bet her vehicles rear window is covered in there I was stickers.

  24. Bobo says:

    Nothing says bad ass like patrolling the Afghan mountains carrying an M4 with no magazine. If any of my SNCOs has only qualified marksman, I’d probably have them carrying the same way.

    • 26Limabeans says:

      Nice bright target on her head.

    • Skippy says:

      For crying out loud ???

      It was morons like this that made my job a living hell

      • Hondo says:

        I’m not positive, but I think that was taken from a low mountain IVO Kabul, the name of which escapes me. I’ve heard that during the more quiet early years of the Afghan conflict hiking up that mountain to “see the sights” and take photos was something that wasn’t unknown among those stationed in Kabul. That looks like it could be Camp Phoenix and the back road to Bagram AB in the background. I could easily be wrong about that, though.

        From what I’ve been told, 2004 and 2005 were fairly quiet years IVO Kabul – and she was at Cp Eggers, which was in Kabul near the AMEMB and Afghan MOD compounds. The security situation was starting to change for the worse a couple of years later.

        • Bobo says:

          That’s what I was thinking, too. I was at Phoenix from 2007-2008, but never made the trip up the hill. Then it was rucksacks, IBA, mag inserted and round chambered, weapon on safe anytime we rolled out of the camp. They stopped the walk up that hill just before I got there.

    • rgr769 says:

      That photo reminds me of one taken on one of my fire support bases by a mess cook’s helper who flew out to us with hot “A” rations. After serving us lunch, he borrowed an M60 from one of the platoons on the perimeter and had his picture taken John Wayne style in front of one of our bunkers. He is probably still showing that photo to his friends, bragging about how many “Cong” he killed when the fire base was almost over-run. To this day, probably no one knows his basic weapons were a Mermite can and a large spoon.

    • PFM says:

      You can also see how faded and worn it is from constant use :). Falls into the same category as a SGM I was escorting in Afghan that had no idea of what a fill was or how to load it into a radio – you kinda back away slowly and make sure they’re not the only one around to help you if you need it.

  25. The Stranger says:

    Hey Jonn,
    Did you see the signature on the lower left of the Bronze Star certificate? Doesn’t that belong to your favorite PL? I do believe that you need to add an additional listing to the category section of this post….


  26. OldManchu says:

    I think the freefall wings are legit.

    It looks like a stiff breeze could get her to altitude, drop her for at least from 5,000 AGL, and swoop her to a safe landing just in time.


    Stupid Bitch!

  27. SFC D says:


    Not even once.

  28. Hondo says:

    Don’t do LinkedIn, so I can’t access this full profile. But if it’s the same individual, well, it seems Emory Healthcare is her current employer – as “‎Veteran Outreach Coordinator Lead” at the Emory Healthcare Veterans Program.

    The Emory Healthcare Veterans Program does seem to have someone employed in that role by that name, but no photo seems to be present on their site.

  29. Martinjmpr says:

    Getting back to the MFF wings that caught Jonn’s attention: I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone with MFF wings who didn’t also have the senior or master parachutist (master blaster) wings, too.

    I supposed it’s happened, but I’ve never seen it.

    When I saw the 82nd CSIB (i.e. the dress blue equivalent of the combat patch) I thought maybe she was one of the women who had served on the 82nd’s parachute demonstration team (All American Freefall Team) but it looks like she was never actually in the 82nd, probably just fell “under” them during a deployment and that’s why she wears the patch.

    I wonder if she’s a 5 jump chump? Was she ever assigned to an airborne unit?

    • 3E9 says:

      Could be, I was attached to the 16th MP Bde during DS/DS and that’s my combat patch. My records only indicate my ARNG unit though.

  30. Skippy says:

    Holy Crapola why Arizona????

    Low speed twiggy acting all SF

    these types of POS made being in hell hard

  31. Sparks says:

    She isn’t big enough to stop a fire door from closing and she was an MP? YGBSM! Her head is the biggest thing on her!

    Way to go. Way to blow up a good career Evans!

  32. ex-OS2 says:

    Another innocent dog….

  33. Claw says:

    I think it’s a case of her trying to keep up with the Joneses.

    After all, that Navy Captain (Chaplain) she is pictured with on her Facebook (her husband?) has a BSM and a CAR.

    So what’s a few extra badges between husband and wife warriors?

    • Claw says:

      Okay. Got it all.

      There’s an outfit called the 82nd Airborne Corps.

      Chinooks have skids.

      She was awarded a BSM w/V.

    • Jonn Lilyea says:

      So she thinks that her end-of-tour BSM has a “V” on it, huh?

    • ChipNASA says:

      I figured it all out.

      under the “Submissions” tab there is reads…
      We accept submissions year round of fiction, poetry, and non-fiction. If you want to write for us you should be a veteran, a service member (active or reserve), or a service member or veteran’s family member. Your submissions should be previously unpublished (see below for our definition of exactly what “published” means) and should conform to these standards:

      Fiction: works under 2500 words are more likely to be published. We won’t consider anything over 5000;

      Non-fiction, should be true and around 2500 words are more likely to be published;

      Poetry, three poems per submission.

      Well it sure ain’t fucking poetry and well, you have a 50/50 chance of guessing the other.

      • Claw says:

        It’s got to be a Bullshit Bar Room Stool story as I can find no reference at all to a SFC Brayden being KIA in Afghanistan.

        Just another e-9 attention whore who writes bad fiction.

      • spd0302 says:

        I just looked and it is categorized under fiction. Atrocious fucking story. Definite delusions of grandeur.

        • Claw says:

          Yeah, but finding out that it was categorized under fiction on that web site was like pulling hen’s teeth.

          • spd0302 says:

            Very true Claw. Wonder how many times she has told that first person story.

            Seriously, the thought of her in a helo in full battle rattle is hilarious. My empty ALICE pack weighs more than she does.

        • Angry B says:

          “SFC Brayden was not my friend, my brother, or lover, but something more than any one of those things and more than all of them combined.”

          “What’s that sound coming from afar?” you ask. It’s me, gagging on the good CSM’s overwrought prose.

      • Martinjmpr says:

        If you put every military cliché from the last 40 years into a computer and told it to spit out a story it would look exactly like that one.

        So how long before that story gets turned into a big Hollywood movie? Maybe with Scarlett Johansen as CSM Evans? 😀

      • Ex-PH2 says:

        No payment for publishing? Pffffttt!

        Okay, I’ve seen this ‘veterans writing project’ thingy before and it’s mostly BS. You don’t get paid for your work, which is just not nice, so if you’re going to publish a freebie, you’ll have a wider audience at wattpad. You still won’t get paid, but you’ll reach a lot more people.

        Second, quit feeding your freakin’ ego, Tootsie. The story was obviously about you and not the troops. Pfffttt. Wishful thinking, toots, does you no credit. And these guys here are watching you trip yourself up.

        Why do these people always, always, always write in the first person????

        What a bore.

    • spd0302 says:

      What in the flying fuck did I just read? She is fucking delusional. Shitbird first class.
      I know I shouldn’t let her bullshit fictional story get to me, but I was getting angry and nauseous while reading it.

    • A Proud Infidel®™ says:

      I didn’t make it past the first few paragraphs, BULLSHIT WAS COMING AT ME thick as flies on roadkill from all directions…

  34. NR Pax says:

    I’ve seen mannequins with better builds.

  35. OldManchu says:


  36. Claw says:

    Just waiting for the cherry on the top of the embellisher’s bullshit sundae when it’s revealed that Clarence “Mac” Evans is her Father-In-Law./sarc

    He had a few extra unearned badges on his uniform also.

    You know, Birds of a Feather and all that.

  37. spd0302 says:

    You’d would think a CSM worth anything would get on here and explain herself. I’m guessing it is too much to ask. Wonder how her Chaplain husband feels about her bullshit.

  38. lily says:

    I don’t even see why someone would want to fake air assault wings. I thought the school was retarded. I didn’t even want to go but was forced to go since I was in the 101st airborne(air assault).

    During the 1st phase you have to go through and obstacle course and then do a 12 mile road march with a 50lb ruck sack in 3 hours. I finished the road march in about 1 1/2 hours and then when I got back I was told I had to get in the front leaning rest push up position until all the slow people finished.

    How stupid is that? I get punished for finishing early? Don’t tell me it’s because I’m being taught to not leave a man behind. If they wanted to teach me that they should have sent me back out and told me to encourage the slow people. That was at the Sabulaski Air Assault School if you wanted to know.

    • Ex-PH2 says:

      Oh, but, Lily, you were making all those slow people feel bad about themselves! Your overweeningly ambitious drive for superior performance puts those slugs in the shadows! You showed them up, and it hurt their feelings!

      Naughty, naughty!

    • Graybeard says:

      No good work will go unpunished.

  39. OAE CPO USN Ret says:

    I just read through all of the comments here. You guys disgust me. Not a single one of you picked up on the fact that the SGM is actually Eddie from Iron Maiden.

  40. PrevMed says:

    Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t her Unit Citations in the wrong order, as well?

  41. Green Thumb says:

    SGM Clownette.