Doug Reeves – Fake Navy SEAL Diver, Persian Gulf War Participant

| July 19, 2021

The folks at Military Phony send us a case on Douglas Robert Reeves.  Reeves lives in Hialeah, Florida which is in Miami-Dade county.  Although Reeves is 64 years old at the time of this writing – mid-July 2021 – he will be 65 years old in a few weeks.

Reeves is a real estate agent / realtor.  On one of his realtor profiles, Reeves claims he was a “Navy SEAL diver” as well as being a “participant in the Persian Gulf War.”  This profile is written in the first person.

On another of Reeves’ profiles, the same claims are made that Reeves was a “Navy SEAL diver” as well as being a “participant in the Persian Gulf War.”  This profile is written in the third person.
A similar profile with the same claims exists on Zillow.

. . . . .

After the UDT/SEAL database was checked, it was determined that there is NO record of “Douglas Robert Reeves” or any other variation of his name ever completing BUD/S Training or assigned to any SEAL teams.

Douglas Reeves’ military records were ordered through a Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) request. Due to his age and claim of service dates, we filed with the Department of the Navy which maintains records from the mid 1990s-present.  The Department of the Navy indicated that Reeves’ records were kept with NPRC due to a release from the Navy in 1988.

. . . . .




NPRC FOIA Results – Douglas Reeves – Summary Sheet


NPRC FOIA Results – Douglas Reeves – Assignments 1976-82

NPRC FOIA Results – Douglas Reeves – Assignments 1986-88

. . . . .




There is no record of Douglas Robert Reeves graduating BUD/S-SEAL training and no record of him serving with a SEAL Team. There was an entry in Reeves’ assignments that was not legible, and it corresponds with a period that BUD/S Class 93 classed up in 1977, so it is possible that Reeves went to BUD/S training.  However, there is no indication that he graduated and as stated above, there is no record of him serving on a SEAL team.



As a side note – although used occasionally, the term “Navy SEAL diver” is a bit awkward if not odd and sends up a red flag.

. . . . .



Reeves makes the claim of being a “participant in the Persian Gulf War.”  Since this was combined with a reference to being in the Navy and in the context of duty stations, one would take this to mean Reeves was a Gulf War veteran. However, there is nothing in his official military records to indicate that he served on active duty during the Gulf War.  There is a possibility that he meant that his ship was patrolling waters in and around the Middle East when there was some friction, but the statement is misleading.


Semantics aside, Reeves has no medals that signify he served during the Gulf War.

If Reeves has used false claims to gain anything of value – he may be in violation of the Stolen Valor Act at worst or represent unethical behavior at best.

. . . . .



Category: Fake SEAL, Gulf War, Navy Poser, Persian Gulf War, Phony SEAL, Valor Vultures

Comments (132)

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  1. KoB says:

    Heh heh…Here comes that GOOOGLE Fame that was commented on in the MP Site on evening past, there Dougie Boi. Yepper, you have sealed your fame when you decided to dive into the embellishing pool Douglas Robert Reeves. Oh, and BTW, you are a Native of Ohio (born there) but can call yourself a RESIDENT of Miami (live there). What else have you embellished?

    Smooth move, too, on being your own sock puppet at MP. Hope you show up here with the same. Been awhile since we had a nice chew toy. POS! Coulda, shoulda, woulda, had oughta been proud of your service which, on paper, seemed to be honorable. Be interesting to hear from any shipmates that may recall all of the Seal Diver (sic) and rescue swimming you did.

    • MarineDad61 says:

      Holy crap.
      Perhaps our new Phony Gulf War veteran Douglas Reeves knows this
      (outed in 2015) Phony Navy SEAL Phony Gulf War Veteran.
      Same Bat year. Same Bat base.

      Steve Zahuranec Sr. pulled this same crap,
      and then went further, with a FAKE DD-214.
      Steve put SEAL on it, and whited out the fake class number.
      Because, you know, it’s classified.
      GOOOGLE Fame for Steve Zahuranec Sr. here >>>

    • thebesig says:

      Memes you could use on the sites he hangs out at…

      White lettering:

      Yellow lettering:

  2. Green Thumb says:

    The Phil Monkress is strong in this one.

  3. E4 Mafia '83-'87 says:

    A Gunner’s Mate on a destroyer for 3 years does not make one a Navy SEAL Diver if there is such a thing. Trying to boost sales/commissions by portraying himself as some type of ‘Cool Guy” is some weak sauce. I wonder how many stories of daring top-secret missions…oooppss…they call them Ops he bored people when trying to close the deal. Real Estate is name recognition business so good luck with your found fame.

  4. 26Limabeans says:

    Algebra. heh heh.

    • A Proud Infidel®™ says:

      He had Introduction to Business as well, I bet that was a tough course – NOT!

  5. Keepin' It Real says:

    Hold your horses… someone was able to dig up a photo of BUD/S Class 93 in 1977. It had four Marines and yep, one Navy SEAL diver.

    BUDS 93

    • Thunderstixx says:

      Navy Seal Driver……
      He was a Navy Seal Driver and drove the Humvees to drop the real Navy Seal Diver’s to various strip clubs, pogey bait stations, whorehouses, liquor stores, gun shops, outdoor equipment retailers and other associated places of ill-repute known to harbor and provide services to REAL Navy Seal Divers !!!!!

  6. M48DAT says:

    Is there anything wrong with just being a Sailor in the best Navy on the planet? This coming from an Army guy too.

    • Ret_25X says:

      You wouldn’t think so…

      But I’m even more curious about how having been a SEAL might make one a better realtor.

      I mean, really?

      For me, that screams “stay away”.

      We have a roofing company locally that advertises “national champion college football” and the school and year.

      How does playing football have dick to do with the roofing business?

      • Hack Stone says:

        Are the employees of the roofing company members of that championship team? Are there cheerleaders on the sidewalk yelling “Pound That Nail!’ When they complete the roof, do they pour Gator Ade over the head of the site chief?

        • Ret_25X says:

          Who knows? Not like I would hire them.

          Some of the companies around DC amaze me.

          Valor Roofing

          Hero Plumbing

          I mean, who falls for this crap?

  7. O-4E says:

    I’m an airborne parachutist

  8. Daisy Cutter says:

    A ‘Navy SEAL Diver’ sounds similar to a ‘Marine Sniper shooter.’

  9. Andy11M says:

    Wow, he got to take Intro to business and elementary algebra while he was in? That’s like half way to a bachelors degree, I never got to take any college classes while I was in.

    • MarineDad61 says:

      8th grade algebra?
      The trident equation:
      Navy**2 + diver**2 = (Navy SEAL Diver)**2

      Yeah, that’s the ticket.
      >>> SNL – Pathological Liars Anonymous.
      Includes Vietnam, underage, mortar, 3-Star General.

  10. Mason says:

    Not even the NDSM.

  11. MarineDad61 says:

    Full moon in FLORIDA last night.
    Phony Gulf War Veteran Douglas Reeves came out howling on the MP page.

    He finishes off with the always futile Caps Lock SLANDER.
    So much (more) to critique here.

    (paste 1)
    [Douglas Reeves
    07/18/2021 at 22:40

    I never said I was a Navy Seal.
    I said I was a Navy Seal diver.
    There is technically no designation for that,
    and it’s a fact I completed 2nd phase dive training.
    I have my training records to prove it.
    Yes, I should have stated, I have had Navy seal dive training,
    that would have been more politically correct.
    Would have, should have, could have.
    It was not that big of a deal to me.
    I have never been so egregious to state that I was a Seal, period, end of story, and you are a damn liar if you say you can substantiate this fictitious rumor.
    The people on this blog who have bothered to tar a feather me have upgraded my status to a Navy Seal Imposter.
    Nice job guys.
    I was a rollback and after my injury at the demolition pits I was dropped to the class behind me.
    I was at Coronado for 18 months, almost half my navy career.
    While your were raising the body count on people I got my college degree (BSNRN) and for 23 years worked in the capacity of an Emergency Room RN, saving lives, not taking them.
    Yeah, what a strange turn of events.
    Your facts about my Naval service are all screwed up for staters.
    I don’t know who is fact checking you,
    but they are dead wrong on a lot of things.
    Even Don Shipley would have done a better job.
    I don’t believe any self respecting Navy Seal worth his salt would take issue with my service record.
    When I was in the Gulf of Oman I attempted to save Navy pilots whose planes had crashed in the Indian Ocean,
    because I was the ships rescue swimmer.
    Apparently there are a lot of seals,
    retired or not with a hell of a lot of time on their hands.
    Get your facts straight before you go head hunting.
    I very nearly could have served with a number of Seals,
    but just like in medicine, there are always a number of pompous asses.
    I don’t miss them at all! Ces’t La Vie.

    Get a Life!

    Douglas R. Reeves
    ](end paste 1)
    (paste 2)
    [Douglas Reeves
    07/18/2021 at 23:21

    To whom it may concern:
    You stated that I received no medals during my term of military service.
    I beg to differ, I received the NAVY EXPEDITIONARY MEDAL for service in the Gulf of Oman.
    In case you forgot why that is awarded let me refresh your memory:
    The Navy Expeditionary Medal is a military award of the United States Navy and Marine Corps who shall have actually landed on foreign territory and engaged in operation against armed opposition, or operated under circumstances which, after full consideration, shall be deemed to merit special recognition for which service no campaing medal has been awarded.

    Like I said, I don’t know who is fact checking things,
    but they don’t know what the hell they are doing.
    A retraction is in order because what you have done amounts to SLANDER,
    at the very least.
    And you have made other mistakes as well.

    Douglas Reeves
    ](end paste 2)

    • MarineDad61 says:

      with all these comebackers above,
      Douglas Reeves’ 2nd FakeBook page has now mysteriously gone POOF.
      In reality, no mystery at all.

      • Hatchet says:

        Hey DOUGIE, guess what? The United States Navy BUPERS has absolutely NO record of YOU ever starting or completing BUD’s.. Guess what, DOUGIE?! YOU ARE NOT A USN SEAL!! While your stated bona fides are nothing more than a LIE, one truth does remain: I’d love to be in on that call that you’ll likely get from Don Shipley “Hey Dougie, were you a Navy SEAL”?! FUCK YOU DOUGIE🖕

    • ChipNASA says:

      I noticed the “ALL CAPS SLANDER!!!!!!!!” as well but FIRST I noticed the NAVY EXPEDITIONARY MEDAL. Well, you know what, I have the AIR FORCE TRAINING RIBBON!!! and you know what else Dougie SMOOOOOOTHE?? I have the NATIONAL DEFENSE SERVICE MEDAL!!! TIMES TWO!!!! Which you have *zero*, of, slick mom boy.

      So there….and to wit…..PPPBBBHHHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!

      I agree with KoB we need a chew toy here because it’s been too long but I bet Dougie FRESH ain’t gonna show up here because his bags have been packed and he’s been showed the door at MP already.

    • Ex-PH2 says:

      Someone should inform DOUGIE that a Navy SEAL is spelled S-E-A-L with all caps, because it means Sea, Air, Land. I guess he didn’t learn that in studying Algebra.

    • AW1Ed says:

      Unless things have changed, a shipboard rescue swimmer is a collateral duty- there is no formal training to my knowledge. A BUD/S washout would make an excellent choice for the job- being a strong swimmer is an obvious requirement.
      This duty would likely be mentioned in his Evals, not his DD-214. I’m inclined to give him a pass on this particular claim.
      Ain’t no such animal as a Navy SEAL diver.

      • Ex-PH2 says:

        No, but there ARE women in Dive/Salvage that can probably outdo his claims by about 10,000 leagues.

      • NECCSeabeCPO says:

        Navy has a four week formal training and has had it Sense late 80’s. The school is called Surface Rescue Swimmer School, it’s a four week school. The school is in San Diego and Jacksonville. So it would be listed as a qualfaction, not just a Collateral duty. The qualification should be listed on DD214 the same as the 2nd class swimmer Qualification, he should have.

        Also don’t see the 18 month TAD he claims to have been at NSW.

    • A Proud Infidel®™️ says:

      Well hell, is Douglas Reeves (Google Hit!) now going to lawer up and go Bernath? I’m stocked up on popcorn and nachos!

      • MarineDad61 says:

        A Proud Infidel@,
        1st day Google Fu…. It’s a Soup Sandwich. And MORE…

        1 – Valor Guardians (here)
        2 – Military Phonies
        3 – Douglas Reeves of Coldwell Banker Realty
        [I am a military veteran of the United States Navy and during my training in Coronado, CA, became a Navy Seal diver certified by Lt. Peter E. Tonnies at the Phil …]
        4 – VG/TAH post on the Book of Fake

        WORSE – I tried the Fu of Google on Peter E. Tonnies….
        and (only) 1 result, the same Coldwell Banker realtor page.

        That’s like claiming Capt. Joseph BagOfDonuts
        as the vouch for turdish Army Gulf War Rambo claims.

        Google is your friend… Until…

        • SEAL Team TWO says:

          I served with Pete Toennies at Special Warfare Group TWO. Great guy, one of the best CO’s I ever served with (He was also the officer’s detailer in Washington in the mid-80s). He may have been assigned to BUD/S as a training officer in the 1970s, as I have known him since 1973.

          • MarineDad61 says:

            SEAL Team TWO,
            There was a spelling error on his last name
            (by Doug Reeves himself on his real estate bio),
            which carried over to these articles.

            When Reeves uploaded his diving summary sheet
            later in the day on his Book of the Fake,
            the correct spelling for retired SEAL Toennies was found and recognized.

            Note – I share rare name syndrome,
            when anyone misspells my name, and finds nothing on Google.

            Thank you for replying.

    • NHSparky says:

      As a person with a NEM, not only did I NOT land on foreign soil, nor did I engage in combat against an armed enemy, this idiot sucks at math as well.

      Imma guess his lack of a “good cookie” is telling as well.

      And Gulf of Oman? Out and back in less than 90 days? Would explain the lack of SSDR. Oh, and marksman ribbon for rifle and pistol, as a GM? Surprised you didn’t shoot yourself in the foot.

      Christ, I want to see this guy’s Page 4.

  12. SFC D says:

    Sock puppets! I want sock puppets! The foogas is getting stale!

  13. Daisy Cutter says:

    His realtor Facebook account is now gone under. I guess he scuttled the ship.

    Didn’t even put up a fight. I looked forward to the debate about ‘Navy SEAL diver’ and ‘participated.’

    • SEAL Team TWO says:

      I knew Pete Toennies for over twenty years, he was one of the most competent commanding officers I ever served with. See my reply (above)to “MarineDad61.”

      • Daisy Cutter says:

        The page that Reeves presented looked authentic, and I have never disputed that Reeves went to BUD/S. The dispute is the clever use of words to – in my opinion – mislead folks into thinking Reeves was a Navy SEAL.

        Here is the paperwork Reeves presented on his Facebook page. I have no reason to believe it was not authentic, including the signature of Pete Toennies. It does not seem to indicate that all phases were passed to graduate, but then again I’m not familiar with BUD/S school records.

        Right-click to enlarge in new window.

        Reeves - BUD/S

        • HMCS(FMF) ret says:

          IMO, that looks like a document that would be used in house (schoolhouse training record).

          Also, when I was at NHCS San Diego (Phase II 8541 school) and HCS GLakes, if you didn’t graduate, you just wasted a seat. There were schoolhouse files on your training, but nothing went into you service record, except that you were disenrolled from training.

        • SEAL Team TWO says:

          I just wanted to clarify any mistakes/erroneous info or implications about Pete Toennies. He was a great officer – one of the few who would step up in defense of his guys when things got ugly and the lawyers came looking for a scalp(I know from personal experience). I know nothing about this Reeves character. Some of the most convincing “non-qual” Seals are those who spent some time at BUD/S before quitting or being “invited” to leave, and are thus able to bluff their way through the fairy-tale, replete with names of instructors, class number and phase details. There are also large numbers of non-quals assigned to the Teams in support roles, who never went to BUD/S, but who know enough to pass themselves off as Navy Seals.

          • SFC D says:

            I had an awesome Soldier, former Navy, that attempted BUD/S. He made no excuses. Said something about a certain pool-oriented training; “You’re within an inch of drowning, I said fuck this I ain’t tough enough”. And he was one tough sumbitch, too.

  14. Stacy0311 says:

    I trained for STA Indo so I’m basically Force Recon sniper.

    • Roh-Dog says:

      I worked inside the US Army Sniper School compound on Harmony Church, this makes me sooo deadly I had to register with BAFTE BBQ and Dog Removal Club as a NFA Destructive Device.
      It wasn’t a problem until I had to engrave a 1/8 inch deep reg tag on my ass with an electric pencil, my fat ass wouldn’t fit in the laser machine.

  15. tshe says:

    Hmmmm… maybe the term Navy SEAL diver is used?

    Frogman Creed

  16. Ex-PH2 says:

    Looks like Dougie’s trying to pull a Karen on us.

    He is SO easily offended that anyone has the audacity to question — nay, even vaguely doubt – his quals as a Navy SEAL diver that he produces copious quantities of rebuttal to make a point that could be contained in one short sentence, e.g. as follows:

    You are all Big Meanies!!!

    Or perhaps 2 sentences: You are all Big Ol’ Meanie Manatees!!! I was TOO a Navy Seal Diver, and I can prove it!!!

    Not that the above does not specify what species of seal: could be Northern fur seal, California sea lion, Walrus, Harp seal – the list is endless.

    So tell us, Dougie: exactly what species of seal are you? And before you go all Karen on us, I should add that I, too, was a participant – in the Vietnam War, for 5 years, 6 months and 28 days. They couldn’t fork over those two extra days, could they? I have pictures of me in my dark blues, answering the phone because our Yeoman had to step down the passageway to the hea, and getting off the Victory Train to the applause of a thundering crowd (well, my Dad, really).

    Ah, those WERE the Days!!!

    Seriously, Dougie, grow the EFF up and stop malingering. People wash out of BUD/S all the time. You should have stuck to being a Frogman in Dive/Salvage, you sap.

    Grow the EFFing H-E-double hockeysticks up.

  17. Daisy Cutter says:

    E-3 after 12 years. ‘Nuff said.

    • Green Thumb says:


      Hard charger.

    • Ex-PH2 says:

      And to think that, after 2 years, I made E5 and had to wait 6 months to sew on my crow….

      It’s SO unfair!!!! I had to wait SO LONG!!!! Where is a trash can I can pound on!!!!!

  18. David Parish says:

    Not sure which I like better… “very nearly could have served with” or “attempting to save”… apparently we had a rash of crashes in Carter’s term?

  19. Roh-Dog says:


  20. Graybeard says:

    Phony SEAL realtor.

    So not shocked. Salesmen are generally some form of con men, with varying levels of almost-integrity.

    • David says:

      With all due respect, screw you very much. Good sales people sell products on merits and know that when you lie to get a deal, it’s the last deal you ever make with that customer.

      • Green Thumb says:

        I knew a few hookers like that…..

      • Graybeard says:

        a) you ain’t my type.
        b) even “good sales people” employ a bit of con man in their techniques even when they don’t lie.

        To quote a line Louis L’Amour used “When you chunk a rock at a pack of dogs, the one what yelps is the one what got hit.”

        • Mustang Major says:

          Show me a real estate sales person with an advertisement photo of themselves less than ten-years old.

          • Hack Stone says:

            About 15 to 18 years ago, the Henderson Hall/Fort Myer base newspaper had an advertisement for a car dealership. Star saleswoman was featured in the advertisement, wearing her Dress Blues with all of the bling. Next edition of the paper had the same advertisement, except this time the rank insignia, Marine Corps emblems, ribbons and medals were photoshopped out. Looks like the Base Public Affairs Officer had the dealership do what is known as a “Reverse Bernath” touchup.

            • SFC D says:

              Once worked with a genius e-5 that worked part time at a local dealer. A PFC went in to look at a car, e-5 went into obnoxious salesman mode. PFC left the lot. E-5 starts calling the PFC nightly, trying to make a deal. PFC gets fed up, tells e-5 to go fuck himself. E-5 goes to the commander, wants an article 15 for disrespect. PFC tells his side of the story, says “I didn’t tell the e-5 to fuck off, I told an obnoxious salesman to fuck off.” Commander agrees, sends the PFC away and tears the e-5 a new asshole for abusing his rank and being a worthless prick. It was a good day.

              • A Proud Infidel®™ says:

                What was he trying to sell the E3? I’m guessing it was a 15 year old V6 Camaro with 200+ thousand miles that had a fresh cheap paint job at ONLY about 30% interest!

                • Green Thumb says:

                  2000 Ford Aerostar with 200k + miles, cigarette burns and bondo.

                  Crank it up, it sounds like it has the flu. Let go of the wheel, it makes a right hand turn!

              • NHSparky says:

                That E-5 is lucky he didn’t walk out a stripe and some pay lighter.

                I distinctly remember back in the day having to get the CoC permission to seek outside employment and that it better not be anything that might interfere with primary duty or bring discredit on the service.

                Or at least that’s how it went when I was a “volunteer” bartender at Andy’s Hut back before it fell in the ocean.

                • Green Thumb says:


                  We used to all work the doors at local bars for about $100 cash a night.

                  Not bad on E-$/E-5 pay.

      • SFC D says:

        I’ve worked sales. I never had to lie to make a sale, but I absolutely was a con man. It’s called “upsaling”. That can be good or bad for the customer. Depends on the integrity of the sales person.

        • Sandman says:

          I honestly could not sell a thirsty man a glass of water in the desert on a hot sunny day.

        • Graybeard says:

          I’ve worked sales too. Always tried to be fair and honest with my customers. Even turned down a sale for a grieving widow who didn’t really need – at that time – what I sold.

          I absolutely Hoover as a salesman, would starve to death for sure. I’m a lousy con man – but was still a con man.

      • Carlton says:

        I remember a line from Glengarry Glenn Ross (that wasn’t “third prize is you’re fired) from Dave Moss who said, “What was the first thing I learned on the car lot? You don’t sell a guy a car today; you sell a guy 5 cars over the next 10 years.”

  21. Hatchet says:

    ((((Fire-mission, Fire-mission, Fire-mission)))) – REALLY think Dougie is dire need of the TAH Hemispheres of Insults ™ ®. Send it. Please.

    • ChipNASA says:

      Oh Doogie Doo-Doogie, you in deep DOODY NOW!!!

      I have a request for the HoI.

      DO I have a second??

      • KoB says:

        To quote Pappy, The Stranger (daHell he been lately?)

        Segundo! Can we get an AYE? (or is this embellishing POS Douglas Robert Reeves such a stale packet of weak sauce that he is only qualified for the Toilet Bowl of Taunts and or The Staff Summary of Shame Sheet?) You be the Judge! (ht 2 ninja) 😛

          • ChipNASA says:

            OK Folks,
            I’ll make it quick….
            We have a request, a Segundo and an “AYE” (properly capitalized) so away, we, GO!!!

            You’ve earned it Douchie, by being an asswipe and sockpuppeting your shit and making up excuses AND mincing your own bullshit wording. FUCK YOU, BRING ON THE CAPIToL LETTERS, FUCK BoI, SLANDAR SALAMANDAR!!! (yes intentional sp)
            The Hemisphere of Insults®™
            (aka, “This Ain’t Hell” Thesaurus)
            FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!!
            DANGER CLOSE!!!!
            MOPP LEVEL 4!!!
            TAKE COVER!!!!!
            Doug (Douchie) Reeves (Gives everyone the “Heaves”), NOT a NAVY SEAL, NOT a participant in the Persian Gulf War, HEY DICKLESS (SUPER Dickless) WONDER, (“Yes, it’s true this man has no dick!” …**HT to Ghostbusters**) We all hope you read this and come back here and try to defend your actions, but, you won’t because, YOU’RE A STRAIGHT UP COWARD, , vile, flaming piece of skunk shit, ALLEGEDLY, but not confirmed or proven, but in some people’s opinion, works balls, tickles taint and tongue punches hobo’s crusty fart boxes all, I Guess, while being a syphilitic, turd-sucking feces factory, HOLY Baby Ape Shit Breath, Bitch-ass Fuckstick guzzler, pile infested, onion-eyed flapmouthed butt-bailiff, “Fowl” mouthed Chicken Fucking Chickenfucker, You flaccid piece of tofu, broke taint cocksucker, Simply a fart in life waiting to be fabreezed away, YOU’RE the reason Joe Biden tried to throw himself down the stairs of Air Force One, moral equivalent of pond scum, THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS A WALKING TURD, inflamed, “Towel boy” in a gay bath house, DILLY DILLY!!, Anal ring dome probably left over from bobbing for apples in the porta potty, When he wants to put on some mood music, he has Alexa play Dueling Banjos, Ambulatory verbal dissembling anus, Fucking one cell spermatozoon with a tiny flagella, gaping giant ass walking fungus shit nugget, Bag of seasoned dog shit, Cambodian cunt sauce, he deserves to have his private parts gnawed by angry badgers, Anyone who ever loved you was wrong, bucket of ass chum, Poopy Headed ball working asshole, JERK OFF !!, Soup Sandwich, if you Mom would have known you were going to turn out like this, she’d have prayed for a miscarriage, Diaper-Sniper, you’re such a pussy, when you get a haircut they charge you for a bikini wax, suck a big diseased gorilla dick and open those ass cheeks for the bull elephant that has been eyeing your lying ass, Poster-child for post birth abortion, I hope he chokes to death on the first dick he gets forced to suck in prison , Testicle face, This twat waffle is dumber than a bucket of goat piss, I pray thou shalt be pursued into the mountains by sex-mad baboons, O thou creature of the pit!, If you are married, The only thing your wife wants for Christmas is a folded flag, I hope that this dood bursts into flames the next time he takes a shit, that he suffers the pain and agony consistent with practicing self-immolation and ends up completely destroyed as if he were a victim of spontaneous human combustion, Dick Swallowing Jerk Wad Spooge Sampling cum gobbling parasitic infection bunghole tonguer, Klootviool, Dude–even your balls are made of pussy, should be ass raped and tea-bagged, at the same time, by a Rabid Rhinoceros, you were the kid that had to sit alone at lunchtime, you’re the afterbirth that slithered out from your mother’s filth, you have always been picked last, you are a puck shot, catcher’s mitt double dribble field goal miss, you are the trash bag after a barracks/frat house party, the Stanley Cup could be your Mom’s dildo, I wish you were an EOD training power point presentation. Not the cool, highly trained bad ass EOD guys, the recipient, He’s more fucked up than a spotted Zebra, shirt-lifter, This guy stepped on his dick so hard it made mine hurt, when your Mom was pregnant with you, the dry cleaner used to charge her double for extra coat hangers. She had bad aim, If this wasn’t so sad, it would be as funny as watching a monkey try to fuck a football, I’m surprised he didn’t award himself a Purple Heart for stepping on his dick., Anus tonguing shit slurping fuckwitted hemorrhoid munching dick lips wanktoaster, pud-knuckling pus-nuts, you know what?, farting dive bubble cock gobbling Pigfucker, lientery steatorrhea, sperm burping dickchops, Sloshing bucket of Hippo Diarrhea, short strand DNA ‘tard, a bathroom selfie loser, fake “death stare” makes you look like a semen sucking cum vampire on his way to a flying J truck stop hobo ball sac buffet, Cuntosaurus Rex, Bulbous Bleeding Batrachivorous Butthole Burrito, enjoys being attacked by and being sunk by meat torpedoes, Pudwhack, pillock, Saltimbanco, zounderkite, Minger, Felonious Ass Pirate, get bent like a fucking pretzel, I mean, what in the roll tide, only has sex with family after Nascar, butt chugging box wine, mushy meth mouth, mountain dew snorting, corn dog anal injecting, only listens to Lynyrd Skynyrd when making cornbread, fuck, is going on, Fucking less worthwhile, hairier, dirtier and uglier than Hillary Clinton’s taint, if this guy even *had* a woman, or any balls, he’d keep them in her purse anyway, failed fido fluffer in doggo pron, even using an entire jar of top quality, organic, gourmet, peanut butterIf you started fucking off today and kept fucking off until the sun burns out you still wouldn’t fuck off far enough to fuck off, Fuck you Fucksicle, You’re so fucked up that his imaginary friend took a Restraining Order out against him, This pissant is such a genius of monumental proportions he can skullfuck his own asshole, You man meat munching, spunk bubble blowing butt sponge, The only thing that he is good for is pulling targets on the Hand Grenade Range, You are a disease, worse than a crotch tick, you puerile, one-handed, slack-jawed, drooling, meatslapper, Boy, you couldn’t lead a fresh turd down the bowl, Thinks that he is in the “dark” secret ops, not realizing that he has his head up his ass, You were born stupid and had a prolapse, In need of an appointment with a brass-knuckles Amateur Dentist, exposure to diseased posers is also known as “the Result of Cyclospora” with * “Symptoms of cyclospora include diarrhea and frequent, sometimes explosive bowel movements, according to the CDC.” I say, I say, That boy’s about as sharp as a sack o’ wet mice, Dear fucking 8 pound 6 ounce baby Jesus on a cement tricycle, banjo eyed, insignificant and inconsequentially ignorant imbecilic idiot, single strand DNA refugee from a blow job, not worthy to lick taint lint off my cats backside, Unable to prevail against his one brained celled activity taking him over, so he types, talks, acts as if a retarded ghost possessed him. dickwad that can’t make a good seal on Tupperware, Buttcrackiula, tit, Oh, fuck you sideways with a roll of horse liniment coated concertina wire…you sorry, miserable, posing, shit eating goat fucker, You look like the product of an orgy at a family reunion, got-damn cum drop, You’re funnier than a sock full of frogs and tougher than a jar of marshmallow crème, Sharmouta, hey douche bag, I bet your ass is jealous of the shit that comes out of your mouth, sniveling, codpiece licking toilet seat sniffer, as worthless as a Toyota airbag, lying bucket of Chihuahua shit, taintpimple, Pillow bitin pickle smoocher, meat-gazing walrus fart hamster queef that should have stayed a tittyfuck cumstain in the back seat of an AMC Pacer, Bowl of ass soup, Festering fuckwart on a sewer rat’s ass, I heard you volunteered to go to the Middle East to take on terrorists…dressed as a goat, I believe you to be one of the few, proud pieces of shit that flies won’t fuck on, You’re not the dumbest person on the planet, but you sure better hope he doesn’t die, needle dick bug fucker, wad of fungus on a pile of roach turd, Drongo, Satan even said about you, “Boy is this guy a DICK!, Sparklepony, Toilet weasel, pigshit fungus, grubby little dick-beater, You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john, Connoisseur ,worthless, Vice Admiral of the Narrow Seas, Blows winos behind bus stops for a nickel and gives change, jejeongsin-iya?, whore-hopping fecal wart, Soppspiste Pitbulkukkforhud, stench-ridden, Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; you only gargled, shiftless, monkey-buggerer, petrified shit biscuit, More worthless than rubber lips on a woodpecker or tits on a boar hog, ignoble itching buttcrack, You’re the reason God created Irritable Bowel Syndrome, moldy bowl of ratshit, would wear Richard Simmons’ used jockstrap as a facemask, lickspittle, useless bag of monkey fuck, dickbutt, rectum circling colon goblin, Asshole casserole, Vafanculo, Nut hugger, People like you are the reason God doesn’t talk to us anymore, salad tosser, gonorrheatic urethral cliff diver, smeerlap, fud, cock-sucking piece of shit, overused prison fuckboy, tittyfuck cum spatter (Shamelessly stolen and credited, Terminal Lance … and from the Book of Face comments, if I could, I’d shove you back into your mother’s pussy so the doctor can FINISH the abortion,

            • ChipNASA says:

              Peter-Puffer, I bet the knobs of all the cocks you’ve ever sucked are shinier than the arse end of a bald eagle in a nose dive!, ncid floor buffer wax spreader, both of your Grandmothers should have had an abortion, just in case, Harebrained duckfucker, I’ve seen bigger wieners on a cocktail plate!, You look like something I’d draw with my left hand, untreated, festering pus pocket, You’re a grey sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake, you twink, You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel, It’s impossible to underestimate you, Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents’ job, oh wait, you *SHOULD* be ashamed too, because, the more the merrier, You are the human version of period cramps, If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty, You are like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day, you thought you’d be nice the other day and you lent a girl an umbrella, so, that makes the total of girls you’ve made wet this year -1, if you were a trophy at the end of my race, I’d walk backwards, you try to present yourself as a knight in shining armor but really, you’re a loser in tinfoil, if you were ever a teacher, your students would never wear a seatbelt while driving to school, because they’d want to die before ever having to take one of your classes, you’re what Olive Garden is to real Italians, He has the facial expression of a washed-out panhandler you see at finer Bus Stations everywhere, he looks like Hunter Biden’s stunt double. If he was on Prison Bachelor, he would offer his cellmate his brown rose, you have a chronically, domestically abused, tiny pee pee, this valor poacher thinks he’s so hot and such an intellect, that he gets a semi chub (all that he is able) by his actions and subsequently, is in danger of raising blood blisters on his Third Thumb due to the protracted use of his Special Purpose Magnifying Glass and eyebrow tweezers, You just **HAVE** to have any attention you can get, eh you rabbit fucked, chihuahua, shit-for-brains, don’t you? DON’T YOU?!?!, the only currency he should be dealing with is cigarettes (fags for you Brits) while he’s in the pokey and he is known to be a pack a day smoker of the cock, Sphincter reaper, That ‘stash you may or may not have (if you had one) looks like Goal Post for a Dick…. Blower and boffer of balls, Devil of cock gobbling, Bacha bāzī “boy”, Dildohead, cunt giblets (Thanks ASMDSS), If this goose shit gobbling mongoloid were an MRE, he would be Spaghetti and Dick, is a sack sucking semen slurper, nut nibbling nincompoop, and jizz juicing jackoff. This guy, I mean, this fucking guy right here, is the poster boy for Fetal Alcohol Syndrome as a fucking cross eyed, cock gobbling, 55 gallon drum of cock snot, dumpster fire, Your face makes onions cry, nsumbyeotchkizzmyazzwingwipineffoffanbeholdemyfieldofphuquesyouphuquingphuquer, Mayor Grundle Butter of Scrotumburg and Anusville, waste of oxygen, Grandstanding cunt, prickwrinkler, Holy cupcake munching monkeys, clitwart, cuntscab, his breath smells like he ate a dead man’s underwear, Fuck you, you nutless chickenfuck cocksucking rat-bastard piece of roach shit! Eat a whole fucking ConEx full of dicks!, anal sphincter canyon yodeling phallic squeezer, numbnuts, malodorous odiferous felonious fido fucker, snowball, Coprophagous fop, Gonorrhea breath, swizzle tits, giggling beerflecked canker blossom, how did you survive infancy, rectal rapee, Dude looks like he smells like hot dog water, GonnoSyphaHerpaClapAIDS Patient Zero monkey buggerer, ball-tickling & ball gargling bullshiat artist, R2-Dildo, You suck dick for beer money and you don’t even drink beer, secret squirrel masturbation specialist, hand in your badge, Adolf, you fart repeatedly just to make yourself smell better, spunk-trumpet, Bakrauf, face down ass up weak kneed pillow biter, maybe this hero could strap a suicide vest to himself, go out in the open desert and make people confetti out of himself, Wait, of all the lucky sperms that came outta your daddy, you’re the one that WON??, This twat is gayer than Liberace skydiving ass first into a canyon of buttplugs, He’s so much of a dickhead he takes Viagra thru a nasal spray, and he’s still limp, How I the fuck do assholes like this sleep at night? With one hand on their tiny dick and the other thumb in their ass, Holy shit, maybe a “buggerer of little boys”, rottencrotched, rump wrangling, colostomy bag curator, A butter knife amongst razor blades, Rusty Trombone Virtuoso, he is the kinda guy who likes meeting up with two strange men so they can sword fight in his mouth, he’s the kind of guy you’d find hanging out around highway rest areas because he’s frequenting the public bathrooms trying to gargle marbles for change, culo de chongo, booger eating fuckbucket, Lemon Party-lusting, Pissflap, fucknuckles, is about as real as a Civil War Issue polyester blanket, Menstrual quimsquirt, you’re as useful as Anne Frank’s Drum Set, overzealous polyp burglar, poser quim squirt, bed wetting, follows in Victorious Felder’s bovine excrement -filled boots, Weeping Pustule on the Whipworm Shat by a Flea Plucked from the Hairy Anus of a Noble Bilge Rat, I wanna get a running start and drop kick him right in the ‘ol yogurt gun, Fustilarian, Knobgobble, prancing pony penis puffer, Likes to turn his mouth into a day care center with guys baby gravy behind the local truck stop, I hope his rectum is popped so hard, he will achieve liftoff on Mr. Tiny’s launch pad, less popular than a Cheese and Veggie Omelet MRE, You are so full of shit, your ears stink, I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral, butt-pirate, as popular as an SBD fart in church on a packed house Sunday, you should get dorked in the squeakhole with the Barbed Cock of Satan, toadstool slime-inhaling dick-drizzling sludge, putrid barrel of fermenting manatee prostatic fluid, prodigious jenkem huffer, He never joined Columbia Record Club because he could not afford a penny, You’re a dirty coffee mug on a Monday morning filled to the brim with steaming frothy panther piss, Asparagus-dick, as fucked up as an opossum eating shit out of a hairbrush, Champion Jailhouse Baloney Pony Rider, You’re dumber than snake mittens, He is so stupid, he buys matinee tickets at a drive in theater, His erectile dysfunction and impotence is so severe that his continual dick-beating of such pointlessness amazes anyone that is so unfortunate as to be acquainted with him, Wooden dildo, assplow, Piss Whistle, moron, Poodle Raper, cunt fart, Prevaricating orally diarrhetic sphincter mouth, lintlicker, Wino sphincter/ballsack coinesseur, Cock Bagel and Dick Doughnut, Stronzo, Pie-Faced Crotch Pheasant, Road apple, Mule muffins, Buffalo bagels, Beaver biscuits, pony pucks & Pigeon pellets (Shout out to M*A*S*H Col. Potter) (Not Colonel Potter but if he’d have thought about it, he’d have said it. ) one giant pile of Moose marbles, Straight Up Stupid Motherfucker, manpleaser, you are such a disappointment to the human race, I think I’m gonna have to court your slovenly, unhinged, cow of a Mother, in real life, second only to the character Annie Wilkes in Misery, and then hate slam the psychosis right out of her dirt box, such that another chromosomally challenged creature like you never occurs again, this buttmunch needs to eat out the rotten asshole of a road-killed skunk, baby unit, one eyed snake charmer, this is the kinda guy who’s feet swing when he’s on the toilet, People like this make me wanna hatefuck a dumpster, on fire and then give sloppy seconds to a menstruating porcupine, perpetual Turd that just keeps circling the bowl and will never flush, Shit-Slot Cosmonaut, Proper Daft Cunt, you thought you had a hair on your dick until it peed, zombies would take one look at you and walk the other direction, Do you know who has more friends and is more popular than you? The Shit Pool at Kandahar Airfield Afghanistan, he has less brains than a bony eared assfish if he thought he would continue to get away with his bullshit, Fair suck of the sav, This motherfucking guy makes my ass itch, is so unimaginably and extraordinarily vapid and mindlessly stupid that he could get lost in an elevator, Meretricious, you’ll never be the man your mother is, Odious Twonk, spaghetti straw-sized personal organ, real boy babies have bigger nuts, putting the squeeze on this nugatory nut nibbler is not worth the juice, there are ants that are smarter than this dorkwad from the bottom of Poontang Pond, he is just a rock with lips rocking the dick head look, likes to suck the turds out of rabid dogs bungholes, is a lying sack of wet doughnut batter, He looks like the kind of guy that really needs to take a bath…with a toaster. baby cave, analconda, Grade A chode yodeler, tittilating scrotalator pole smoker, Vaginal Sand Fairy, Drollenpijper, wide open mouth pivot man in a circle jerk, feral abacus, leg humper, You look like you were conceived through anal, meadow muffin, ax wound drippings, you’re such a loser, when you spank your little wee-wee, your hand falls asleep, horse squeeze Ball Cheese, you were born after your Dad cream-pied her asshole then finger fucked her vagina, your “heroic “ career is less believable than UFOs, Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster, you are the poster child for ED, when I want to terrorize my children, I tell YOU are under their bed,

              • ChipNASA says:

                when I saw this sperm receptacle, soggy biscuit eater, my eyes rolled so hard I saw my own brain stem, I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid, Stupid, so stupid it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid, you emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid, nothing in our universe can really be this stupid, Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid, Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know, His mother made it be known that he had a Do Not Resuscitate declaration when she would take him for a haircut, Schlumpadinka, wazzock, Tampon Tunnel, used toilet paper-sniffing Turbo knob vacuum of a meat gazer, terminal crotch infection, asshat, roach turd-munching shit-for-brains, a black hole would spit you out, the founding fathers said all men are created equal….except for you, you make scientists contemplate the possibility that there’s a negative IQ number, if you an 2 other guys ran a race together, you’d come in fourth, dick pickle, gòrach pìos de cac, It looks like he smeared Gorilla Glue on his lip and chin and went down on Whoopi Goldberg’s cootchie, You make PTSD/TBI look like a state fair, a 3 ring circus and Disneyland all rolled into one, likes to gargle with a mouthful of unborn crib midgets, He can shit and fall in it as far as I am concerned(This one is for the Ladies and Medical Staff) this prancing fairy is about as popular as a failed Episiotomy with a 4th degree perineal tear, wanker, herpes-ridden dung beetle target, feejackapeesack, first volunteer for being part of a jailhouse human centipede, bunghole warrior, cockwomble, You’re like the end piece of a bread loaf. Everyone touches you but nobody wants you, should eat a nice steaming pile of monkey shit you ass clown, looks like hammered dog shit, puborectalis spasm, you are so bad, you’re a disappointment to the table of elements and the molecules that they represent, that came from space to form humans on Planet Earth, you are so awful, you make humanity want to beg for a near extinction level, asteroid impact event, Your mother may have told you that you could be anything you wanted, but a douchebag wasn’t what she meant, If Mr. Rogers were alive, he’d piss on your grave, helmet wearing short bus riding window licker, Head paddler in the douche canoe, Uncle Fucker, more ate up than a chocolate dildo in a crowded gay bar, shitbag, He is so stupid, he overdosed on placebos. dipstickus giganticus, Humpty Dumpty cleanup man after the fleet visits Naples, Herp-Burger, poofter, intergalactic cunt muffin, knob gobbling, fimicolous galactic Jackoff, Deputy executive assistant jizz mopper in training, chronic hemorrhoid, stugatz, inbred, toe-jam from an infected Filipino hooker that specializes in foot jobs, tortured turnip turd, Sea Donkey, festering pool of anal leakage, your penis lives in eternal darkness, I’d hate to see your toilet, retardus maximus, Microcephalic Toad Licker, can go suck a fat baby’s dick, steaming rat-felching bucket of moldy monkey fuck, Bellicose ball gnashing raper of babies with rabies, Pecker-puffing pickle licker, catcher not pitcher, bawbag, about as useful as a white crayon, Arschloch, impotent koekeloeren, slaptard, when you hear that he claims to be suffering from TBI or PTSD, it’s not the traditional definition but He suffers from TBI (Tiny Ball Insecurity) as well as PTSD (Penis Too Small Disorder.) He has a face that screams “Amber Alert”, couldn’t even be trained in my AFSC in the USAF to suck farts out of C-5 seat cushions, mumpsimus, reverse dirty sanchez lover, scunner, he claims to have PTSD and he really does have PTSD, PTSD” when it stands for “pretty talented sucking dicks, kutomba wewe, This clown dresses up like the False Commander “Phony” Phil Monkress (CEO of All-Points Logistics) for Easter, and likes to squat and drop colored Easter eggs out of his asshole, for the assorted homeless that gather for such festivities, next to the dumpster and used grease and cooking oil disposal bin, behind the Pilot Flying J truck stop, until either the consumables are depleted or the mob disperses. Bonus points if an accidental, bleeding, rectal prolapse and depressed crying occurs for the gathered audience. And the crowd goes wild!! Cryptosporidium-ridden tire tosser, fudgepacker, turbo douche & enema nozzle, mental midget, likes to molest small farm animals, dead and alive, is a hemorrhoid, 100 retarded monkeys could jerk off in a stagnant swamp and generate a better life form than you, You are about as useful as a knitted condom, nasty enough to pass gas during a colonscopy, thinks a GI lavage is a mixed drink at a party, if I had the taste of you in my mouth, I’d lick the taint of a dead rotting water buffalo in the Vietnamese jungle just to get the taste out, just to fix your shit, you could make a Jew deny the Holocaust, consuming connoisseur of the chocolate starfish, Cocksucking Catfish, anal & vaginal prolapse, giant anal Q-Tip, this freak fancies himself performing fellatio on a variety of pinnapeds, He went all vaginal. You *never* go all vaginal, If there was a stadium full of assholes, like maybe a medium sized NFL stadium, say 70,000 assholes, all sizes and colors, pink, brown, black, red, yellow, green, and then all types, big, small, middle, inflamed, dripping, unclean, festering, etc, a gun would go off and then fireworks and a cheer would arise and build to a deafening crescendo and there, on the 50 yard line, the lights would come up and the announcer would say, “Yes, there he is folks, let’s have a round of applause…” and the stadium would start doing the wave and then more cheering, a cacophony of assholes, at first softly and then building, building, “king, king, king, king, King, King, King, King, KING, KING, KING, KING!!!! KING OF THE ASSHOLES!!!!, yes, quite a feat but you’ve achieved it. And you’re such a self-centered asshole, you’d take a bow, fucked himself faster than a horny chihuahua by lying about his Military Service, you are the reason Jesus can’t play peek-a-boo, he has holes in his hands, you are a 0 EPR/OPR, If the Road of Life was paved with dicks, this guy would walk through it on his ass, you are worse than a Dishonorable Discharge….from your Mom’s vagina, Massive, back alley, bucket of schlong fuck juice, cockalorum cum-guzzling gutter slut, Dalton Coldiron’s bunny-butt buddy atomic sphincter goblin, If you stuck your brain up a gnat’s ass, it would look like a BB in a boxcar, Jackanape, Fuck Tart, Sitzpinkler, lispian, pussytits, Milksop, you’re such an embarrassment to your family and your father is so ashamed of you, he’d refuse a free blowjob out of fear of further spilling his seed, Forrest Gump points and laughs at you, you suck so bad, AIDS and Cancer have nightmares about you, your shit is about as funny as Anne Frank, Helen Keller and Terri Schiavo having an orgy in the showers at Auschwitz, you suck so bad, puppies, kittens and babies hate you, you are so loathsome, looks like the kind of guy who lets his wife gets her shit pushed in by Mr. Ouch while he watches, smells like he wipes from back to front, Gandhi would ass rape you for giggles, you are about as welcome as a yeast infection, hemorrhoids, gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, genital wards and herpes, you’re one of the reasons Trump is President, you make God want a do-over, You vacuous, toffee-nosed malodorous pervert, pillock, puss soaked jackwagon, waste of trace elements and water, Jizztissue, knob breath dick biscuit, Pettifogger, Bunghole Baby, Rear Admiral of the Butt Piracy, donkey raping shit-eater, twatface, pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo it, may he lay a lip lock on the snotty end of a moose cock,butt munch, deep sea crotch lobster, man of the night in a large animal bordello, I bet you’re the kind of guy that would fuck your own mother in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give her a reach-around (Thanks R. Lee Ermey, R.I.P), NOT a NAVY SEAL, NOT a participant in the Persian Gulf War, is *SUCH* a bullshit artist, he’s giving Hunter Biden a run for his money, gets a GOLD STAR (in NO WAY does that relate or diminish actual “Gold Star” families) but is more like a kindergartner getting a GOLD STAR for participating, unsuccessfully, claims to be a “Navy SEAL diver” and what the fuck does that ever mean, it’s not a technical rating or qualification, but another fake boast from Dougie, COME BACK DOUG!!! WE NEED A CHEW TOY, MR CAPITAL LETTERS MANZZ!!!!, Jesus Christ himself would take one look at you and shake his head ruefully, hopefully you’re about to get fed a steady diet of the old prison pork sword, you are worse than the Devil’s Hemorrhoids, TOTALLY a retarded, soul patch ball dusting, burn pit of worthlessness, you know the old saying “don’t throw the baby out with the bath water?” You would be the exception, he can go fuck a hill of dildos, you’re so fugly, you could make the Sun go down and not want to come up again, you make people that know you, want ass cancer, you make Hillary Clinton’s vagina look attractive,

                • ChipNASA says:

                  should be blowing everyone in cell block D and taking it up the ass, simultaneously from everyone in cell block C, This guy is a piece of lint on stinky goat nuts, You fucking LAND WALRUS, shit snorting stain on Hillary Clinton’s yeast infected kootchie covers, you’re lucky we don’t dress you up in drag, drop your ass off somewhere in the Middle East and let an entire battalion of ISIS soldiers and supporters butt rape you until you’re turned inside out, This guy has spunk. And by spunk, I mean he likes to ingest copious, and I mean immense, monumental and breathtaking, amounts of Baby Batter, Ball Barf, Trouser Gravy, Man Chowder, High Fructose Porn Syrup, Daddy Sauce, Choad Nectar, Throat Yogurt, Penis Colada, Nut Butter, and Weiner Sauce, remember that story in the news a while back about a guy that was arrested for fucking his girlfriend’s dog that had been dead for a few days, in front of a daycare center? Yeah, you’re worse than that guy, I hope that soon you get to meet Jesus, and by that, not die, but that would be nice, BUT and I mean “BUTT”, you get vigorously and repeatedly ventilated by a guy named Jesus in jail, you make child rape and crib death seem funny, you are such a fuckgasim, you’d leave Don Rickles speechless, you could make Goodwill, the Salvation Army and the Red Cross give you the finger, You make your own Mother cry on Mother’s Day, you’re the reason proctologists are a thing, seeing you frolicking around in all your finery makes me understand why Abba wrote the song Dancing Queen, I’d rather watch AFRTS than see this guy’s shit on the Internet, if you were a planet, you’d be Uranus, YOU are the reason monkeys throw poop, you stupid toilet mint licker, Hitler wishes he had you as a mentor because now he feels like a failure, you weak-kneed no-load pus-nuts pisspants needle-dicked cockroach-fucking slug-licking bucket of lying cockroach shit!, Ball Basting Boy Wondor, What an oily little meatgazer, planetary level atomic flaming douchebag, Santorium, lying shitbag wanna-be fucknozzle cleaner, Impacted breaching turtle head, Rumpleforeskin, parasite on society, What in the bipolar fuck, fuckstain skidmark on the underwear of life, anal bum cover (LOL SNL Jeopardy), taint cookie, Mr. Men’s Room Wide Stance toe tapping glory hole hero, Fartleberry, Some NCO Should have beat you within an inch of your life, insult to humanity, I hope his ego hits the floor like a turd from a tall cows ass, shit-filled meatsack, masturbates to videos of Jar-Jar Binks, pisses off more people than the clackers on an abacus, prepare your anus, karma is going in dry, You are a moron. A window pane licking, urinal cake eating, lying moron, YOU’RE THE REASON ALIENS COME TO EARTH IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND STICK THINGS UP OUR ASSES BECAUSE EVEN ADVANCED CIVILIZATIONS CAN’T FIGURE YOUR SHIT OUT, walking shart shooter, minge, moldy dingleberry on a roadkill swamp rat’s ass, test subject for Preparations A thru G, Remedy critch, Gnard gargling queefsquirt, I heard you were created via frozen embryo, you must have thawed, obstreperous shit-whistle, what’s gross, a truckload of dead babies, what’s grosser than gross, a truckload of dead babies with a live one in the middle trying to eat its way out, what is more disgusting than that? You, stupid enough to try to sandpaper to a wildcat’s ass in a phone booth, Handgallop, twatscicle, Obamawad, tool, bint, sleezebag, weaksauce, Gobshite, fuck hole, Pillsbury Dough Bitch, Should NOT be around WOMEN OR CHILDREN, touches himself inappropriately, Turd-Burglar, rimjobber, turd lizard of a roadkill opossum-humper, cum-dumpster, Inbred buck-toothed slimy toadstool on a Swamp Donkey turd, Useless mangy crotch-dropping, needle dick buttfucker, Putz, rectal inspector, this swollen, sweltering manhole should be infected with herpegonasyphilaids, ferger, Sheep tits, gonad, queefer, chicken shit, choad, Puppy fucker, dopus, Blue Falcon and Blue Waffle, Fuck Apple with mold, twizzletits, tallywacker, Bozack, Fiction-flinging Richard Gere’s Ass Gerbil Felcher, dingleberry circling ass buzzard, bitch, Saprophyte, ATM, pap smear, bukakke glazed shitmitten, Dandy prat, Tazmanian Dorkwad rat fucking, shit-sucking warthog’s asshole, gimp, bescumber, coccydynia, you lying sack of mosquito, Siberian bag of cum-stained hadji sheep shit”, mangina micropeen, Fuckrag, Syphilitic Turd Burglar, possibly likes to pick his teeth with his OWN used catheters, Hircismus, cheat, You couldn’t make a point if someone gave you a pencil sharpener, should be pounded in the poop hole with a turret of a M1 Abrams, and then fired a WP round therein, pope-fondling, turbo apeshit crazy, Cacafuego, Cock-juggling *Pussy* thundercunt, And a new addition thanks to Sarge I hereby introduce you to the ALPHABET ASSAULT:
                  Annoying asinine Ampharos asshole assistant to APL; bulimic ballsack biting butt buddy at Brucie’s Bathhouse (entrance in the rear); chronic cocksucking clymidiacic chickenfucking cretin; dumbass dumbshit dickguzzling dimwitted douchebag, erratic earwax eating enema expert; fowl felching monkeyfucking ferret fluffing Uncle Fester look-alike; gregarious gangrene carrying Grinch; hypocrtical hippo humping hackeysack full of horse shit; idiotic inbred imbecile with a low IQ and impotence issues; jumping jackass with jockey shorts full of jellyfish jism; kooky kommunistic klown kitty fucking knave; lying loathsome limpdick lillylivered lazyass llama blowing loser; manmeat mooching meatslapping moosecock muncher; no good ninja nippled needlenutted nobody; obsolete overfucked octopus orgy observer; penis pumping pee filled poster child for proper prophelactic usage; queasy queef quaffing quantum horsesqueeze; ratt fucking rump ranger who plays the rusty trombone; Shit surping semen burping dick sucking sorry sonavabitch with syphilis; taint ticking test subject for tits on men at Tiny’s Truck Stop; unclefucking ugly ass unborn umbilical discharge; valor Vulture and volunteer for vile vaginal discharge vacuum duty, wanks to blue waffle porn while waiting for winos to blow at the aforemention truck stop; useful as an upset ugly unicorn uterus; yodleing yellowbellied yak yanker; zipper gazing zealot with zits on his zero inch dick. Fuck off, eat shit, die in a fire.
                  If any of this offends you, I’m sorry. If something here *doesn’t* offend you, I’m not trying hard enough!

                  We now include the NEW & IMPROVED
                  OFFICIAL TAH BINGO CARD®™
                  /FREE with every deployment of an equal or greater value
                  The Hemisphere of Insults®™

                  FUCK YOU, ASS HAMSTER!!!
                  Can I get an AMEN?! (Or your choice of exclamation/interjection.)
                  Here endeth the lesson.

                  • ChipNASA says:

                    I don’t think that Doug Reeves is going to garner any additional public media attention as the Foley and Jowers case and subsequent Posts, and therefore, we are probably not in danger of having to edit the HoI.

                    (Remembering to reference “Sarge” for the Alphabet Assault and requesting the Staff Summary Sheet of Shame)

                    Oh and one time Blake Morgan said: “ I swear I was hearing “O Beautiful for spacious skies… For amber waves of grain” playing as I was reading this…. “

                    So without further ado, here is a link to the New York Orchestra performing America the Beautiful, at Carnegie Hall, for your listening pleasure, if you want a musical accompaniment to the The Hemisphere of Insults®™

                    • ChipNASA says:

                      Patton Quote added to the end …

                      On George S. Patton: (Multiple sources but… )

                      “He could, when necessary, open up with both barrels and let forth such blue-flamed phrases that they seemed almost eloquent in their delivery. When asked by his nephew about his profanity, Patton remarked, “When I want my men to remember something important, to really make it stick, I give it to them double dirty. It may not sound nice to some bunch of little old ladies at an afternoon tea party, but it helps my soldiers to remember. You can’t run an army without profanity; and it has to be eloquent profanity. An Army without profanity couldn’t fight its way out of a piss-soaked paper bag.”


                  • KoB says:

                    And the entire Congregation gives a rousing AMEN! ALL HAIL The TAH HoI and the Keeper thereof…ChipNASA…ALL HAIL!!!

                    BDA 100/100 Secure from General Quarters, all hands standby to police up pieces of embellishment and scraps of cancelled Real Estate Contracts. That is all!

                    • Hatchet says:

                      Roger your last. BDA 100/100.
                      Perfect TOT. Securing from General Quarters, Aye, Aye

                    • Ex-PH2 says:

                      As alway6s, ChipNASA has the eloquence of a herd of stampeding elephants and the depth and heat of a subsurface volcano.

                      Excellent work, if I do say so!

                    • SFC D says:

                      I ain’t comin’ out till the smoke clears.

  22. Stuart Povick says:

    Once again another wanker … me I never did shit in my 20 years in the Navy …
    just fixed a lot of planes and pulled a shitload of ejection seats …beat unemployment.

    • Hatchet says:

      Almost ditto. Served Reserves(Land), never got deployed, won no medals and was content to have just had the PRIVILEGE of working my ass off serving my Country..Bragging rights to any of it? Nope. My Dad, my Uncles and my Grandad served. From time to time, I do about that… Speaking of my Grandad, always been proud that my Grandad attended my grad-ceremony. I asked him “Any advice for an up and coming soldier”? He said “ Yeah. Never lie about anything. Even the next day, when you’re totally hung-over and have a head out to here, don’t make excuses for it, the Truth will always be easier to remember..That and the Military Police may tend to show you a bit of leniency if they know you’re being honest with ‘em”. Sage words…

      • ChipNASA says:

        SO, WHAT you’re TRYING to TELL us is THAT, it’s PROBABLY NOT a good idea to USE THE EXCUSE…
        ” Well sir, we were going to this bingo parlor at the YMCA, well one thing led to another, and the instructions got all fouled up…”

  23. Daisy Cutter says:

    On all of Reeves’ real estate bios it has the following line…

    “To give real service you must add something which cannot be bought or measured with money, those being chiefly, honesty, integrity, and perseverance.”

    That about sums it up.

    • Roh-Dog says:

      Wow. Just ‘wow’.
      This level of self delusion usually indicate bigger moral failings.
      SV, the rancid cherry law is in effect here.
      I can FEEL it.

      • MarineDad61 says:

        The Googly of Fu and the Pages of White…
        lead to a sniff trail around both coasts of Florida,
        and before that, back to the state of Wash.
        Bring the Pinkerton dogs.

  24. Berliner says:

    Me: 4 years Army Infantry (airborne & air assault graduate) humping a rifle and a radio and 20 years Recruiter/MEPS Guidance Counselor/In-Service Career Counselor. Final rank: E8- all active duty followed by a 20 year USPS career.

    Douglas Reeves: 4 years active duty serving on the USS David R. Ray, a Spruance-class destroyer followed by 8 years in the Reserves. Final rank: E3

    Now as a realtor to what, help sell himself to others to buy/sell a house (?), he takes a steaming dump on his military service via embellishment.

    Perhaps his “diving” experience was gained at Bruce’s Bathhouse, entry in the rear. That crease on his forehead could have occurred from many a belt buckle crossing paths with it.

    • tshe says:

      It looks like he had broken service and was out for 4 years (1982-86) before a reenlistment. Can’t tell if the reup was for Active Duty or Reserve.

      Could explain a reduction in rank but this seems extreme. I can see and E-5 coming back in as an E-4, but I don’t know about this.

      I wonder if being a rescue swimmer allowed Reeves to break the glass ceiling of Petty Officer?

      • Green Thumb says:

        My best guess is that he was the kind of guy who fixed a dildo to his rifle as opposed to a bayonet for D&C.

        Command grew weary…..

        • A Proud Infidel®™ says:

          I’m guessing he was THAT GUY with a dildo glued to his helmet to let his Shipmates know what a dickhead he was.

  25. Daisy Cutter says:

    Oh Dougie!

    I have my eye on a house in Palmetto Bay. Where for art thou?

    Unlike those other schleps, I want to buy my house from a genuine UDT frogman diver peter pusher. They can push some sweeter and more completer peter when it comes to selling a house.

    Come on, Dougie. Come out and play.

  26. A Monday morning first for a phony SEAL. Oh what a tangled web we Reeves.

  27. Hatchet says:

    @ChipNASA – thanks for bring’n the TAH HOI ®™ in on this horrible little POS. As dem big ‘ol biker boys love to say: “Light ‘em up and piss ‘em out”!!!

    • ChipNASA says:

      As always, my pleasure, I am but the lowly, humble curator.
      As has been encouraged in the past, and a gently reminder,
      Feel free in the threads to note and/or mention my name (or not API YOU PHUCKER!!) and if you have an original quip/comment/insult etc, I’ll certainly consider adding it to the HoI.
      There’s plenty of room. Come on in, the water’s warm. Plenty of room for everyone.
      You didn’t think I came up with 6 pages of FUCK YOUs all by my lonesome, did ya??

      • A Proud Infidel®️™️ says:

        ‘Lil ‘ol me? Last time I checked, there were at least fifty pieces of the World Famous TAH® Hemisphere of Insults™️ that came from me!

      • KoB says:

        My concern would be why the water is warm.

  28. Hack Stone says:

    Looks like Mr. Reeves really Doug himself into a hole. Now he just needs to wait for the rains to come, fill up the hole, and he can swim out.

  29. HMCS(FMF) ret says:



    THAT IS ALL!!!

  30. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    Douglas Robert Reeves looks like a rookie Timeshare Salesman.
    Douglas Robert Reeves WAS NEVER a USN SEAL according records found.
    Douglas Robert Reeves successfully completed the course of Introduction to Business while serving.
    Douglas Robert Reeves WAS NOT a participant in the Gulf War according to records found.
    If Douglas Robert Reeves was an inanimate object, he would be a cheap participation trophy.
    Douglas Robert Reeves looks like he couldn’t even lead drunk Sailors to a whorehouse on payday weekend.
    Douglas Robert Reeves has miles to go before he reaches mediocre.
    Douglas Robert Reeves, I’d rather treat my baby’s diaper rash than have lunch with you.
    Douglas Robert Reeves passed Elementary Algebra while serving.
    Douglas Robert Reeves is a pizza burn on the roof of life’s mouth.
    Douglas Robert Reeves looks like he has a 1000 yard meat gazer’s stare.
    Douglas Robert Reeves is so full of shit that his toilet is jealous.
    Douglas Robert Reeves was awarded the Navy Expeditionary Medal according to records found.
    Douglas Robert Reeves is a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.
    Douglas Robert Reeves will now wallow in his newfound Internet fame as Douglas Robert Reeves finds out that THE INTERNET IS FOREVER.

    • A Proud Infidel®™ says:

      How Copy,

      • ChipNASA says:

        Uh, full copy *over* … stealing two tidbits of your shit I think I haven’t used yet *over*….
        (I’ll have to Control + F)

        “ is a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.“
        “ is a pizza burn on the roof of life’s mouth.“

        Both pretty solid visceral visuals, as it were

    • Roh-Dog says:

      Douglas Robert Reeves WAS NEVER a USN SEAL according [to] records found?

      You nailed it on this one:”Douglas Robert Reeves WAS NOT a participant in the Gulf War according to records found.”

      Douglas Robert Reeves is a realtor in Florida.
      Douglas Robert Reeves doesn’t tell the truth.
      Douglas Robert Reeves doesn’t rate.
      Douglas Robert Reeves should own up to his stupidity.
      Douglas Robert Reeves own this!!

  31. MarineDad61 says:

    Link to Page 2.
    For Duty and Humanity.
    And for permanento interwebby posterior.

    [Doug Reeves – Navy SEAL Diver & Persian Gulf War Participant Explained
    Steve Balm | July 20, 2021 | 71 Comments]

  32. MarineDad61 says:

    UPDATE – FakeBook POOF?
    Either I was blocked (for my Like clicks)
    Doug Reeves just took down (deactivated)
    his primary page on the Book of Fake.

    Either way, blocking or hiding, is a really really poor look,
    NOT something the innocent tend to do.

    See for yourselves >>>

    • MarineDad61 says:

      Verified by a friend….. POOF.

    • MarineDad61 says:

      To Doug Reeves,
      Your best avenue at this time…. is
      1 – Apologies
      2 – Truth
      3 – Editing ALL 4 of your real estate bios
      to accurately show your HONORABLE service in the US Navy.

    • MarineDad61 says:

      UPDATE – FakeBook UN-POOF.


      More, it appears ALL the previous comments and clicks are still there.
      And, it remains open for clicks and new comments.
      This is a good sign.